The Trouble with a House Full of Ninjas
by Shrine of Ice and Fire
Summary: A misplaced box. A packet of love letters. A dashing former-Okashira. A misunderstanding and...another box! Wackiness ensues when you live in a house full of ninjas.
1. 1

**The Trouble with a House Full of Ninjas**

by: Shrine of Ice and Fire

July 2004

disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to its creator, producers and distrubutors.

* * *

Part One: 

_The last time I saw you, there was a softness in your brooding features, as if you had found peace at last. Perhaps it is because of your chosen career…or because the family you once deserted has accepted you again? And when you glanced my way on that particular afternoon, I merely turned to the side to converse with our friends. I have spent many moments back home at my desk, quiet times at night, thinking of you. One might find that strange, given the circumstances on how we first met. Does your family know what had happened during the years you were gone? Bad memories are behind me, I chose my path, and personal feelings are not allowed in it. And I still wonder…would even the lightest touch from you satisfy me?_

This was completely, absolutely wrong on so many different levels. It was invading someone's privacy, someone's inner thoughts. Shinomori Aoshi closed his eyes before setting the delicate paper aside. It was one of several he had found, all nicely folded.

The letters revealed the soul and secret wishes of its author. Some were poetic, some with a slight touch of humor, some more intimate, but all clearly written with no intention of ever being sent to its receiver. He frowned slightly, almost wishing Okina had never given him the box of items that Himura and his friends had accidentally left behind during their last visit to Kyoto. Socks, ribbons, combs, and assorted feminine items he couldn't identify. And letters. There was no mistaking the elegant handwriting of Takani Megumi. Especially once he compared it to the notes diligently written on several sheets of paper containing medicinal recipes of plants that were growing at the Aoiya. His frown deepened, wo ndering if Okina had thoroughly examined all the contents in the box.

His eyes flew open and Aoshi cleared his throat, realizing he had an audience.

...to be continued. (Cherie Dee)

* * *

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	2. 2

**The Trouble with a House Full of Ninjas**

by: Shrine of Ice and Fire

disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to its creator, producers and distrubutors.

* * *

Part Two:

"Miaowrr." A tiny black kitten stood in the doorway, holding out a single white paw that looked as if it had been dipped in the floury paint of a geisha.

Aoshi let out a sigh. It was just a cat, looking for food, no doubt. Well, he was not carrying a single crumb with him, so it would just have to go somewhere else. He paused for a moment, wondering how the little beast could have possibly gotten inside, before dismissing the thought and turning back to the letters, folded neatly on his desk.

He picked up the letter he had been studying once again, running his fingers across the rough yellow surface of the rice paper, tracing the black ink of each meticulous brushstroke. Then he shook his head, cursing his curiosity. He had thought himself above such petty human desires. What was written in the letters was not his business, and he should not have opened them in the first place. He swiftly folded the paper and placed it on his desk once more. He would have to decide what to do with them later.

"Mrowwrrr," insisted the cat in the doorway. The damn thing was still there, and he hadn't even noticed.

Aoshi turned and glared morosely at the black kitten. "Koneko-san," he said sternly. "I don't have any food. Go away."

...to be continued. (Shimizu Hitomi)

* * *

Keep your eyes peeled for the next update. coming very soon!  



	3. 3

**The Trouble with a House Full of Ninjas**

by: Shrine of Ice and Fire

disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to its creator, producers and distrubutors.

* * *

Part Three:

She was stretched comfortably in her favorite arm chair, with her legs dangling over the side of the overstuffed cushions. As she sat there, her eyes stared sightlessly out of the nearby window. The early afternoon sunlight, filtered by the shade of ginko trees, trickled into the room in interesting patterns of light and shadow on the floor.

It simply fascinated her idle mind.

Resisting the urge to get up from her position, she stretched her back indulgently, feeling the feel of luxurious upholstery against her body.

What a lovely, perfect, lazy morning. As she laid there, a very wicked thought crossed her mind.

Perhaps it would be nice if he could join her in this chair right now.

Her favorite thing about him was his scent. Aoshi always had a deliciously soft, and exotically woodsy, smoky smell to him. She imagined burying her face into the comfort of his chest and inhaling. Oh that would be heaven.

Oh, she would give anything, anything for his touch, the feel of his strong, calloused fingers in her hair.

The lid to a wooden box slammed shut with a bang loud enough to make her jump. Annoyed, she cast her wide-set eyes towards the direction of the noise.

"Koneko! Get out of that armchair. You know you're not allowed on it." Aoshi said sternly as he pushed the box back into its place in the closet.

"Meow!" She cried in the cutest voice she could muster. Looking up at him, she rubbed her head on his ankles. Get his attention. Good. Now, look cute. Milk, it, milk it girl. He's a sucker for big, doe-eyes.

With exasperation, Aoshi finally stood up. "All right, I get it, you're hungry. Let's see what I can find for you to eat."

And with that, the cat and the man exited the room, leaving the letters completely unguarded.

...to be continued. (ChiisaiLammy)

* * *


	4. 4

**The Trouble with a House Full of Ninjas**

by: Shrine of Ice and Fire

disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to its creator, producers and distrubutors.

* * *

Part Four:

Okina tapped lightly on the shoji screen before entering the room. "Oi, Aoshi. You in here...?" Seeing no one was in the room, he turned to leave, but something on the desk caught his eye.

Several things, that is. Letters, written with a graceful, elegant hand and smelling faintly of orange blossoms. Tapping the letters against the tip of his nose, he recalled that Takani Megumi had worn a similar scent during the Kenshingumi's recent visit here. It made sense that she was the one who wrote the letters.

What were they doing on Aoshi's desk, anyway? Eyebrows raised, he perused t he letters and felt a grin broadening his face.

Love letters, all addressed to Aoshi. Who else could they be for? It certai nly sounded as though she was talking about him­his mannerisms, their past...it made a lot of sense.

And knowing how incredibly slow Aoshi was when it came to matters of the heart, the young man probably wasn't going to act upon them.

Well, Okina was going to make damn sure that he would. He couldn't think of a better match for the onna-sensei than Aoshi. Well, other than Okina himself, that is.

With an impish grin, he carefully placed the letters back on the desk.

...to be continued. (MiJ)

* * *

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	5. 5

**The Trouble with a House Full of Ninjas**

by: Shrine of Ice and Fire

July 2004

disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to its creator, producers and distrubutors.

* * *

Megumi Takani sneezed.

Instinctively, she paused in her writing and brought her hand to her head. Satisfied that she wasn't sick, she decided instead that perhaps a draft from the open window was responsible. She put down her brush pen and moved lightly to the window, suddenly reminded that she had been sitting hours and hours in her task.

It was unfortunate that she had left all those pages behind somewhere. Her secret project was certainly going to be set back at least another month or so with that written material missing. She was certain that it had been either left in Kyoto or in Tokyo, but was almost too embarassed to bring up the matter.

---

"I'm sure koneko is here somewhere," Omasu padded down the hallway and paused at the door that led to Aoshi's office.

"I don't know about this," Misao shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. "Aoshi-sama hasn't given us permission."

"Blah blah blah," Omasu ignored the younger woman and strode into the office and began peering under and around pieces of furniture. "Aoshi- sama will not like a loose kitten in his office either. He's allergic to cats, you know."

Misao sighed from the doorway. No matter what, -she- wasn't going in. "See her?"

"No," Omasu frowned as she leaned over Aoshi's desk and spotted a  
very out of place box. "But I found something else."

(LongwindedGirl)

* * *

Though the unearthly feminine scream that shook the walls of the Aoiya, shocked its rowdy afternoon customers into silence, and had Okina vaulting up the stairs with equally shocking agility certainly defied human standards of lung power, it still failed to reach even Shinomori Aoshi's sensitive hearing. At that moment, he was sitting through his second of three hours of meditation at the temple on the other side of Kyoto.

And so he could hardly be blamed for his utter confusion and bewilderment when he returned home to the Aoiya to find Misao unconscious and ill with fever, Okina gone with hardly a word of explanation, and the rest of the Oniwabanshuu shooting him black looks.

As Okon excused herself awkwardly from his presence, mumbling something about "black silk--I mean packed milk" and growing very red in the face, he stared after her retreating figure, feeling distinctly at a loss.

He sighed, very quietly, and turned to head for his office. Had he been more inclined toward showing his emotions, he would have shaken his head. It didn't help that his meditation had been a near complete failure. He had been distracted entirely too many times by... the letters.

He laid his hand on his office door and stopped dead.

Something was wrong.

(Mirune Keishiko)

* * *

The door was closed.

Knowing full well that he had left the door slightly open intentionally, he was well aware that someone had disturbed it and perhaps had entered inside. He confirmed that particular someone was long gone as he entered his office. But he felt an odd sense of discomfort as he realized that at least one person (perhaps more) had gone near his desk. The letters sat there, yes -- but they were folded too precisely.

His face warmed as he considered that the contents of those letters had become common knowledge in the Aoiya. Perhaps that was the reason for the odd look Okon had given him? But even so, it would not explain her odd words. There was no mention of black silk or packed milk within them. He scanned the letters again to be certain of that fact, his mind simultaneously contemplating that of those in the Aoiya, she was least likely to have made that decision to enter his office and invade his privacy so horribly. Okon could not have read the letters -- but rather someone else. As for who -- the person he suspected most capable of that was nowhere inside this compound.

Okina returned later for dinner, with little to say. What he did in the few hours he had disappeared he did not reveal to Aoshi, or apparently anyone. Everyone had already turned their attention solely to the task of tending to the unconscious Misao. And so the odd matter was hidden away or forgotten, just like the letters Aoshi had made sure to secret away to a much more secure place.

But the matter, in fact, was not destined to lie quietly. Not when the reason for Okina's convenient disappearance appeared suddenly in Aizu, several weeks later, in the form of a small, light box addressed to the Doctor Takani. Megumi Takani -- recognizing the postmark and hoping it to be the valuable scraps of writing that she had left behind -- opened it immediately. But when her fingers touched the soft contents inside, she inhaled sharply. Black silk -- amongst probably the finest from China. But as she pulled the strangely cut cloth out of the box and held it against her, she wondered exactly what it was for.

(LongwindedGirl )

* * *

**Shrine notes:** Longer updates as requested. :P Thanks so much for the feedback everyone! Hope you enjoyed this and don't forget to let us know what you think.  
  
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	6. 6

**The Trouble with a House Full of Ninjas**

written by: the Shrine of Ice and Fire

July, 2004

* * *

It was a warm afternoon, the kind of afternoon where the air was much too warm and sticky to be comfortable indoors. While all of the guests and residents of Aoiya sauntered around, sticky with sweat and lounging with lethargy, Shinomori Aoshi sat with Okina in their usual spot on the front porch and calmly shared a pot of hot green tea. 

Ever since the night of the letters, Okina had worn that knowing smirk in his face. And were Aoshi less inclined to keep his composure, he would have asked about it.

But he was sure that Okina's smirk was a ploy. He understood perfectly that Okina only smirked because it used to drive Aoshi mad when he was younger. And Aoshi understood perfectly well that Okina was trying to get under his skin.

He did not like this one bit.

Jiya sipped his tea and his eyes seemed to dare Aoshi to ask him the question that had been burning in Aoshi's mind. How much does he know about the letters?

However, Aoshi was not the type of man to bend to anyone else's will. So he simply stared at the old man's face intently. Aoshi was certain that somewhere in those time-worn, weathered wrinkles was an answer to his question. He would beat this old man Jiya at his own game.

Unbeknownst to him, his eyes narrowed just a little bit and that was just enough to allow Okina to know that the smirking had bothered him.

And just like the past two days, the afternoon passed by in a strained silence. Aoshi stared and Okina smirked, holding each other at stalemate. Neither of them was willing to back down. The tension that lingered between them proved to be short after all.

As Aoshi lifted the cup to finish off his cup of tea, he heard a pair of thundering footsteps approach. It came with such speed that he did not even have time to set his tea down before something rushed past him in a dizzying flash of colored silk.

Aoshi whipped his head up and stared in awe at the woman in front of him.

Her skin glowed with perspiration while her entire body stood tense and rigid as if some barely-restrained energy was about to erupt from her slim form.

For a moment, Aoshi swore that she looked like Koneko did when she was  
ready to pounce on a mouse.

Oh he pitied the poor bastard who caused her wrath, for Takani Megumi literally crackled with fury as she stood in the main parlor.

"Okina!" She called, like a vengeance-seeking warrior. "You send me this without even a word of explanation! Just your name! What is the meaning of this?"

She thrust her hands into Jiya's face and within her clenched fists was a length of fine black silk.

Aoshi's discerning eyes saw right away that this was not just an ordinary piece of cloth.

Embroidered in the corner of the silk was an intricate design of a tortoise and an ornate medicine wheel.

Aoshi shifted his disbelieving eyes over to the fuming young woman before him, holding the long-lost Takani family crest.

_(ChiisaiLammy)_

* * *

He shifted his gaze a moment later as the favorite phrase of an American merchant acquaintance ran through his mind. "_Oh shit....."_

He glanced now to Okina who seemed far more amused than any old man had a right to be--- and still expect to live.

Steeling himself, Aoshi stood and faced the enraged doctor. Instinctively he reached out and placed his steady hand upon her shaking one. "Takani-san come inside a moment—"

"No! Not until I have an explanation!" she snapped, skewering Okina with another harsh look.

The old ninja stood, even more pleased with himself, Aoshi was quick to note. "Aoshi is the one to explain, " he said with a grin before slipping away.

_Kami, she is the most beautiful creature,_ Aoshi's traitorous heart noted even as the enraged doctor turned her wrath on him...

_(BarbaraSheridan)_

* * *

"Well!?" she growled, her eyes burning through him. With hands on her slender hips and dark eyes narrowed, she cornered him with the fury of a charging bull. 

Part of him was amused that the slender slip of a woman doctor was trying to intimidate him, the former cutthroat Okashira of the infamous Oniwabanshuu.

The other part of him was scared as hell.

Hell might have no fury like a woman scorned, but no one had as much fury as an angry, confused Megumi.

There was no way out. He had to get around her to go anywhere, so there was no way to run away without looking like he was...well, running away. And he was willing to bet that with the angry adrenaline Megumi was running on, she would catch him before he reached the end of the street.

But before he could plan any course of action, the beautiful doctor pinned him in place with such a malevolent glare that it rivaled the Hitokiri Battousai's death glare.

"What in the seven _hells_ were you doing? What the _hell_ does this mean?" the usually eloquent, imperturbable Megumi lashed out at him, pointing to the symbol on the ebony silk with a trembling hand. "Start talking! Explain yourself, now!"

Aoshi sighed in resignation and made a decision to install locks in his office from now on.

"This is Okina's work. You know about his penchant for stirring up trouble when he's bored. He mentioned something about black silk a few days ago, and I have reason to suspect that he read the love letters that you left behind..." he trailed off when Megumi suddenly stared, wide-eyed, at him. Faintly, he wondered if he was imagining the pink hue spreading across her face.

"How do you know about the content of those letters?" she asked too sweetly, with a dangerous edge to her honeyed voice. She looked at him through thick, fringed lashes, and this time, Aoshi knew that he wasn't imagining the reddish, furious glow that tinged her dark eyes.

Fortunately for him, Misao recovered conciousness at that very moment, and promptly screamed.

Never had Aoshi appreciated Misao's lung power more than at that moment. Thanking the gods above, he sprinted around Megumi, towards the entrance and to Misao's room, followed closely by an enraged, confused Megumi.

But when he reached the room, he was utterly mystified.

Misao was sobbing over some of the mysterious feminine items from the lost-and-found box Okina had given him. When she saw him silhouetted in the doorway, she glared angrily at him with watery eyes.

"I found these in your office...how could you hide this from me?!" And she burst into another round of tears.

Both Megumi and Okina appeared behind him a moment later, staring at the strange scene. Megumi's mouth fell open uncharacteristically, and Okina's eyes bugged out unnaturally. Then two more pairs of eyes glared at him.

Oh yes. He was definitely going to lock his office from now on.

_(Trupana)_

* * *

"Misao...I fail to understand why you are upset..." Aoshi began. 

"UPSET?? Fail to...why you...wibduck...flangin..." She was so upset she started sputtering nonsense.

Megumi made a tsking sound. "That is something I would expect from Okina..."

"What??" Okina exclaimed in what sounded like fake surprise, turning wide eyes to the doctor. Then he glared at Aoshi. "He's the one who upset Misao-"

"How could you???!!!!" Misao wailed.

"Aoshi, how could you do such a thing?!" Okina scolded.

"And trying to deny everything, too!!!" Misao sniffed, before going into a huge crying session.

Okina shook his head. "You should be ashamed of yourself for-"

More Misao crying. Aoshi could feel a headache coming on.

"So how could you...have you..." Misao broke into tears again.

"Misao, why are you acting this-?" Aoshi asked quietly.

Confusion must have appeared on his face, because Megumi shot him an odd look. "Do you even understand what is going on...?"

"Obviously not," Aoshi responded coolly.

Megumi sighed and moved towards Misao, gingerly picking up a small pink item made of delicate fabric. "This...and those..." she pointed to some of the items next to Misao, "were gifts to Kaoru from me for her wedding." She smiled mischieviously. "They're Western undergarments."

Okina dropped straight to the floor. And began to twitch. "Those were...Kaoru...her..."

Megumi's eyes narrowed. "You didn't think they were mine, did you?" At Okina's lack of response, she focused on the tall man again. "So what were you doing with Kaoru's undergarments, Aoshi?" Megumi asked sweetly. "And while you're explaining that, how about explaining the letters, as well...?"

"Aoshi's become a perverted-" Misao began to wail before sniffing again. "And I thought he'd never..."

Aoshi's eyes widened just a fraction. "I am not-"

Okina shot back up and shook his head. "Focusing on work and having no romance can do that to a man...causing him to find relief with other methods..."

"Those were in the box you gave me...the belongings they left behind," Aoshi pointed out, cursing Okina's penchant for troublemaking. "I didn't even know what those were to begin with!"

"Again, lack of romance can-"

"Quiet, old man," Aoshi interrupted.

"Aoshi-sama!" Shiro called from some place far far away. "Customer needs your assistance!"

Slightly grateful for the interruption, but knowing that he had to resolve these strange issues later, he made his way in the direction of Shiro's voice.

To find Shiro and Okon standing with...a very...slender...and feminine... looking man. At least he thought he was a man. "Hello," came the customer's fairly high voice.

Aoshi nodded in greeting. "Can I help you?"

"Why yes. So you're the man who can make women's silk clothing?"

Aoshi blinked. "I..." Then he noticed Okon look away. His eyes narrowed a fraction. "Excuse me for a minute."

"Oh, of course," the man fluttered his hand. "You must be so busy with orders all the time."

Aoshi immediately snatched Okon's arm and led her through a doorway so they'd be out of earshot. "Do you know something about this?"

Okon cleared her throat. "Well...Okina had mentioned that you were getting...restless...and that you were looking into developing new hobbies...with that item sent to Takani-san, naturally you'd expand from that to clothing...But women's clothing?"

"What gave you the idea that I wanted to create women's clothing?" Aoshi frowned.

But she continued, "I suppose there's nothing wrong with you making women's clothing...but it is a little unusual..."

_(CherieDee)_

* * *

True, he had mentioned expanding business. But to go from innkeeper (assistant innkeeper) to connoisseur and manufacturer of women's clothing was ridiculous. It mortified him to think that the reason for all the cold shoulders and embarrassed looks of late had to do with items of clothing wholly unfamiliar to him. And of such a personal nature... by the way Okon was raising her eyebrow, he had a feeling it would take a lot more than a simple explanation to convince the Aoiya that Okina was the unwitting (or deliberate) instigator of it all. 

He felt warning bells go off in his head as a peal of laughter rang out from the other room. "This will have to wait -- but this ends here. I do not have any intentions of entering the garment business for private or personal reasons. As for the rest--"

The woman's voice was literally cooing. Aoshi groaned inwardly as he considered that poor Shiro had been left behind with the very effeminate customer and now apparently Megumi Takani. Knowing Shiro, the man would need to be rescued.

Aoshi shot Okon a quick look and nodded in the general direction of Misao's room. "Okina and Misao can explain it -- I ought to tend to this 'customer.'" Before that woman did something to make the situation worse.

He entered the room again, only to catch Megumi with a length of black silk held up against her body in a provocative fashion. "It's a fine piece of work isn't it?"

Poor Shiro stared wide-eyed and silent in his agreement, while the other nodded most vigorously. "Excellent, excellent--" the customer cooed. "Fine stitching. I do pray that you'll reveal to me who your embroiderer is. It is so hard to find traditional seamstresses these days who do things the old way. I mean with all the new fashions--"

Aoshi cleared his throat, and nodded at Shiro -- who gratefully took the opportunity to escape.

"Nooooo," Takahata-san looked Aoshi up and down as if he were a leper. "Obviously not the person I'm looking for."

"Obviously not," Megumi smirked slightly. "But if you do come back for tea the day after tomorrow, I'll have an answer for you, most definitely."

"Ta ta, then!" Takahata-san blew Megumi a kiss and waved at Aoshi before literally skipping out the door.

Aoshi's relief at the man's disappearance was replaced by dread as the words suddenly became much clearer."He'll be back?"

"He'll be back?" Megumi mimicked his question with a laugh. "Of course he will. And I'm going to drag out the truth regarding this infernal crest and stitching on this piece of very expensive silk from Okina while also exacting my revenge."

He felt suddenly uneasy.. It occurred to him that of all the insane people in this building, that only one person who believed his innocence in this entire affair had an almost feral expression on her face.

"And you're going to help me," she sashayed over to him and placed her hand on the front of his chest. "He'll confess it all -- the undergarments and his plotting and scheming and perhaps much more once we're done with our little game."

He frowned slightly. "You mean to blackmail him?"

"No," her eyes danced with glee. "Extortion. I'll attach myself to you so devotedly and ferociously that the man will have to reveal it all in order to save your skin, Shinomori. From this moment, he'll see how dangerous romance can be."

He raised his eyebrow. Dangerous? What did the woman mean by that?

"Takani-san, Takani-san!" Okina's voice could be heard coming down the hall. "Where did you run off to, my lovely?"

Before Aoshi could understand what was happening, Megumi had pulled him down for a kiss.

_(LongwindedGirl)_

* * *

Shrine notes: hope you enjoyed this! 


	7. 7

The Trouble with a House Full of Ninjas

written by: The Shirne of Ice and Fire

August 2004

* * *

It was just as he had suspected. Megumi, with her black silk garments and her black silk hair, was a master thief in the disguise of a woman. She stole into this room. She stole his lips with a kiss that took everything out of him: his breath, his self-control and his clarity of mind. She took him by surprise and he was left helpless to be devoured by her.

When she relinquished his lips, he stood wide-eyed, breathless and panting. What's more, he found that he was completely at the mercy of this woman. No, there was no way that she could be human. No way that anyone could make him feel like that.

He could hear Okina's jaw drop even in his complete haze. He told himself that he needed to fix this, to make up some sort of explanation, a plan, anything. But he stood with swollen lips and a dumbfounded expression on his face as he watched Megumi slink her way across the room to the old man.

She wore a smirk on her lips. Her slender fingers toyed playfully with the black silk undergarments in her hands. "Jiya." She purred, advancing.

Oh kami help us all. She's going to massacre him.

Before she could even say another word, the screaming had started up again for poor, unfortunate Misao had been standing at the doorway the entire time.

"There!" She cried senselessly, pointing her finger at all of them. "There it is! Proof of Aoshi's depravity. You've gone insane haven't you, Aoshi-sama?"

Soon, the poor girl lost consciousness and fell like a sack onto the floor, landing on top of a poor sleeping Koneko.

Aoshi yelped and ran to the doorway. Pulling Misao up by the shoulders, he did his best to prop the unconscious girl up. The cat, thankfully, was mostly unhurt. With a terrifying hiss, she limped away, and hid in the next room.

Aoshi hoisted Misao over his shoulder and carried her back into her bedroom. He gently leaned her against the wall before preparing her futon and took the time to collect his wits. Perhaps it would be better if she were not conscious to witness whatever Megumi had planned. He, for one, decided long before the kiss that it would behoove him greatly to just sit back and watch the good doctor work her magic...

...and if he should be used for her, ahem, plans, then it should be all for the better. After all, she was a guest, and it is his duty to be helpful. Yes. It was quite a sacrifice on his part, but he would try his best to help her out with the kissing parts as much as possible.

It's the least he could do. Really.

With a new resolve, he left the unconscious Misao in her futon and ventured back into the other room. Yes. He was going to be the like the water and take the path of least resistence.

---

Koneko, angry and aching, limped her way into Aoshi's office. There, she came upon what looked to be some very important documents that the humans would undoubtedly find essential in their stupid little drama. Fueled with fury, the poor mistreated cat proceeded to eat the entire stack of beatifully scripted letters.

_mmmmm. orange blossoms._  
  
_(ChiisaiLammy)_

* * *

Aoshi was sitting down for his customary breakfast the next morning, just across the low table from Jiya, when a certain doctor plopped into his lap with a lazy smile. Her arms encircled his neck and with the tiniest push of a neatly filed index finger, pushed the rest of the seaweed-wrapped norimaki into his mouth, which had decided to stop working the moment her round bottom touched his thigh.

"Chew your food carefully, Aoshi. You have a tendency to be overly male and only do as much as is strictly necessary. One would hope you would be better at pleasing your women."

He did as he was told and chewed his food carefully, accepting the small rolls quietly as Megumi saw fit to hand feed him.

Okina coughed and tried not to let his eyes bulge TOO much from his sockets. "Ahh...um, Megumi. Glad to see you in better spirits. But it might be best for Misao if..." He glanced meaningfully at the spot that the woman had decided to plant herself.

"Relax. Misao is passed out and will be for a while yet. It's nothing serious, just an overactive imagination and possible high blood pressure. By the way, you're not feeding her too many salts, sweets or spices, are you? Too much of anything is no good for anyone, you know."

Still taken aback, the old man groped for words. "Uh...no."

"You seem uneasy, Jiya. Is something wrong? Something I don't know about? You don't disapprove of Aoshi and I beginning a relationship, do you? I couldn't bear it if you did!"

"Uh...no. Of course not. I couldn't be happier. It's just—"

"Thank goodness! You don't know how hard it was..."

"Of course, I can't imagine..."

"Oh, but, you don't even know the story, do you? Allow me to elaborate. You see, Aoshi sent me this box."

"A box?"

"Yes, a box."

"I see."

"Yes, you see. I mean, I know it had your name in it, but that is of little consequence, Aoshi was just trying to protect himself. Well, inside was a really very beautifully embroidered negligee that I'm sure Aoshi picked out himself—what with him having such wonderful taste and all."

"Yes..."

"Yes, and there was also my family's seal finely done in delicate stitching near the bosom, obviously altered specifically for me...of course, I was a bit angry at first, but Aoshi explained everything and now everything's fine."

Okina stared at her for a moment, completely at a loss. "And?"

"Well, and Aoshi was very forward with me, you saw what happened, silly man. He is not quite the gentleman the Aoiya thinks him to be." With that, the doctor laughed heartily, pausing to eye a certain cat walking slowly and testily into the room before coughing up a hairball and something else onto the waxed floor, and exiting the room with the same awkward jaunt.

"It is all very fascinating..." the old man said uneasily.

The woman turned her wicked eyes on him. "Yes, it is," she said, rubbing the silent Aoshi's thigh with a free hand. "Poor Misao. Of course, she had to go and find the naughty lace I got for Kaoru...perhaps if she'd found Aoshi's gift to the implication...maybe it was for the best..."

"Uh...yes...implication."

"Why, yes, of course. Very soon, you will have Aoshi's robust genes running through your future grandson!"

The sound Okina made when he hit the ground was noteworthy of even expert fallers.

"Of course, when I become his full partner, I do expect some things around here to change...you don't mind, do you?"

_Dear God. What had he wrought?_

"I was thinking of starting an underwear business with Aoshi, what do you think? Perhaps the Aoiya needs to cater to the more risqué of Japan, after all, aren't they as well as businessmen the only ones who frequent the hotel aspects the Aoiya has to offer?"

"I don't think..."

"Of course, I could come up with a few designs as well as model them, Aoshi does love to see me in costume...but I would still have to be able to run a clinic, so this would only be a little side business for fun..."

The sweat began to drip off of the old man's forehead.

_(Leila-Hime)_

* * *

Okina rushed into his room and slid the shoji shut behind him, panting.

What on earth was Takani-sensei up to?

He had only meant to create an excuse for her and Aoshi to get together, but it seemed that he needn't have bothered. The attraction was there all along.

And that kiss...phew! It was a good thing Misao hadn't seen that, though Okina was very sure there would be more...displays of affection...in the very near future. He would have to tell the others to mention "Aoshi" and "ladies' underwear" in the same breath around Misao; it would be sure to keep her unconscious while he tried to puzzle out where he went wrong with his little scheme.

All he had wanted, really, was to present the lady doctor with an item that would indicate a form of proposal from Aoshi. How was he to know that it was a piece of Western underclothing? He had found the little silky thing in a shop and bought it at once, for he'd thought it was very pretty, as befitted someone like the lady doctor. He then had his lady friend, Kaede, embroider it with the Takani family crest. Being his age, she had obviously had no idea what the article of clothing was­ otherwise she would most certainly have lectured him about it.

But when did Aoshi become a manufacturer of Western women's underclothing? Okina scratched his head.

Oh well, he shrugged to himself, there was no point in questioning Aoshi about it. If the young man had decided to embark on such a strange occupation and enjoyed it, then surely there was nothing wrong with that. Takani-sensei certainly didn't seem to mind. And anyway, seeing as Aoshi looked like he was enjoying himself with the lady doctor, there was really nothing to worry about. Before long the two would marry and  
have the grandchildren he always wanted...

He began to cackle. He was just going to keep his mouth shut and let things take their natural course.  
  
_(MiJ)_

* * *

Aoshi earned the title of the Okashira, and he didn't do it by sitting around and looking pretty. He, as always, had a plan and this plan did not involve being repainted as a fool, no matter how beautiful the woman was. …no matter how delicious her kisses were. Aoshi bit down hard on his own tongue as self-punishment for such treasonous thoughts. No. In order to stick to his plans, it would perhaps be  
best not to think of her kisses or her skin or the way her little mouth does that thing when she smirks. But no matter, he was a master of self control.

The thing is, he had been so painfully underestimated this entire time. Aoshi was no fool and Okina was the first victim on his list.

The found the old man humming to himself as he absently watered the flowers that surrounded the Aoiya.

"You're getting old, if I can sneak up on you so easily." Aoshi said softly as a way of greeting.

Jiya's bushy whisker twitched in amusement. "You could never sneak up on me, boy. I knew you were there before you even thought of approaching me."

"Ahh. I see the senility has set in."

Okina sniffed indignantly and set his watering can down. "Don't make me break out my tonfas, boy."

Aoshi sat down on a nearby bench and followed the old man with his eyes. "So I came to commend you. You succeeded so well in drawing the fox out of her burrow. The western underwear was a stroke of brilliance. You are peerless with your cunning."

He noted the Okina's hands as he put away his gardening supplies. They twitched, ever so slightly. Aoshi sat back in satisfaction. So the old man was nervous.

Okina smiled brightly and turned to face his former ward. "Your flattery gets you nowhere, boy. What do you want?"

Aoshi's eyes narrowed. ""What are you planning, old man?"

Okina chuckled, but ignored the question. "I've endured tortures! Do you think you can get information out of me so easily?"

Aoshi stood and but kept his eyes trained steadily and icily at Okina. "No, but I thought I would extend the courtesy and ask you like a gentleman before I get the information out of Kaede-san. The embroidery is unmistakable. And old folks with their established patterns are so predictable."

He took a moment to savor the look of horror on Okina's face before he retreated back into the house.

Victim number two, Takani Megumi.

He found her in his office, rummaging through the gift-box for Kaoru.

He cleared his throat and was more than amused when she gave a startled gasp before whipping her body around to face him.

"What are you looking for?" He asked calmly. He didn't really need to ask. He already knew she wanted her letters back. Her scarlet cheeks revealed everything.

She shrugged and shifted her weight back, to give off the illusion of being casual. "Nothing at all. Just seeing if everything is still in the box." Her eyes flashed mischievously, "Just in case there are underwear-stealing perverts at the Aoiya." She stepped closer with her brow raised in challenge. "You wouldn't happen to know about them, do you?"

He played the silent, stoic straight-man and replied with the usual gravity in his voice, "I'll be sure to watch out for any underwear thieves."

Her lips stretched into a wide, alluring smile. "Good. Well, keep the streets safe, Okashira."

She was teasing him, daring him to be embarrassed and drop the matter but he knew better than to give her what she wanted.

He captured her face with his hand and pulled her closer. He nearly smiled when she let out a sharp, indignant gasp, "Okina's not here. There's no need to act here."

His fingertips lingered on the edge of her delicately pointed chin, "So I've been wondering, Takani-sensei, would the lightest touch from me satisfy you?"

Inwardly he smiled to see the look of utter shock and horror play out across her face. Good, she recognized her own words. He took her moment of shock and lowered his face towards hers. He could feel her shaky, uncertain breath as he brushed his lips against hers, softly and delicately, like a barely there whisper.

And just as he felt her muscles relax as she wielded to him, he pulled himself back and raised an eyebrow pointedly.

"I doubt it." He said seriously, "So be very careful what you are doing, Takani-sensei. I am not a man to be trifled with."

And with that, he walked away, with a surprising new lightness in his steps.

_Shinomori, you cad._  
  
_(ChiisaiLammy)_

* * *

Unfortunately for him , his little self-congratulatory moment ended abruptly with a shoe to his head.

_Shinomori, you moron._

He should have easily evaded it. Worse yet, he should have ignored it. But foolishly he turned to look at the woman who was all rage and fire.

She slapped him. She would have slapped him again if he hadn't taken her wrists in hand and held her in place.

Thwarted, she could only speak -- her voice icy and hurt and indignant all at the same time. "What the hell do you know about those letters, you pompous assuming vain man! Like hell this is about you!"

This was ridiculous -- her hand trying to hurt him, him trying to hold her in place without harming her, and at the same time trying desperately to puzzle out this woman.

"You assume too much, all of you!" Her voice rose in volume, not caring that it was resonating off the walls, drawing out the others who called this place home. "Those letters were copies of my grandparents' memoirs, not some kind of lovesick scrawling left behind for all your speculation and mocking!"

He frowned slightly. Takani's mother's family had been originally in Kyoto -- that he did know from his own research while they had both been under Kanryuu's thumb. It had never occurred to him that the letters were anything but her own personal thoughts.

"And as far as 'trifling' is concerned," her voice was now quietly shaking. "Do you know how much humiliation I faced because of that present sent to me? Do you know what it's like to receive that kind of thing?! " Her eyes were filling with tears. "Who is being trifled with here? It's all fun and games isn't it to all of you? I'm just the sort of woman who'd appreciate the value of such an inappropriate, private item. Of course, I'd understand the joke, eh? I'd laugh my head off and enjoy it?

"Megumi--"

"Of course no one would find out about this mysterious item!" She glared, "Of course not! But somehow the rumors started anyways. Packages are opened you know by other people often in transit. People do recognize things that perhaps others don't. Whispers become laughs, become leers, become outright harassment. I'm just the sort of woman who appreciates gifts from men."

His eyes widened in horror.

She laughed, but it wasn't a pleasant sort of sound. "I came here and played that role perfectly, didn't I? And ironically, now you are the one threatening me. Because I'm the one who started it with those damned letters in your mind. This is all my fault. This whole entire thing was just a damn game!"

He tried to calm her. "Megumi-san, this is a misunderstanding. It was surely not the intent--"

She shook, fallen too deeply into her anger to hear him. "Then let me start over then and explain this in a way that all of you can understand. I hate you."

Stunned, he dropped her wrists.

"I hate you!" she echoed again as she fled the Aoiya, disappearing into the dark streets of Kyoto.  
  
_(Longwinded-girl)_

* * *

Shrine notes: FEED us! We long for reviews--as one might long for--chocolate or cookies for instance. Or Megumi for Aoshi and vice versa. Yes, there is longing, so much longing... 


	8. 8

**The Problem with a House Full of Ninja**  
by: the Shrine of Ice and Fire  
August 2004

**Part Four**

She ran and she ran and she ran.

She thought of everything that had ever gone wrong in her life: the fire, the doctor, Kanryuu, Kenshin, Sanosuke, the letters... And that STUPID. ARROGANT. BASTARD. OF. A. NINJA.

(And the irritating, nosy old man too, she supposed. But that wasn't the point.)

Megumi knew she was crying. She could feel the tears running down her face. But all of a sudden, she felt angry. Again. Very, very ANGRY. She wiped her eyes viciously on the sleeves of her kimono.

"I wish..." she said to the dark, empty streets. "I wish I had never been born!"

And then she tripped. She realized suddenly that she had been running with only one shoe on, as the other had been used as a handy projectile back at the Aoiya...

A tiny black cat yowled indignantly at her feet.

"What are you doing here?" asked Megumi wonderingly as she stood and brushed herself off. She crouched down and reached out a hand.

_Don't touch me, you evil kitsune!_

The kitten hissed and scratched at Megumi's hand. Megumi snatched her hand back hastily. "Naughty, Koneko. Bad cat. Bad."

_Bad kitsune. Bad._

"I wonder if they're missing you back at the Aoiya..."

Go away and leave me alone, man-stealer.

Megumi sighed. "I guess I should take you back then, shouldn't I? Don't think it's safe for a little thing like you to be wandering around by yourself here..." She reached out again to pick up the kitten.

_I told you to go ---_ "MrOWRRR!"

There was a sudden flash. Megumi raised her arm, shielding her eyes from the blinding... neon pink (?!?) light. When the light faded at last, Megumi lowered her arm and blinked. Then she pinched herself, disbelieving. She must have been knocked unconscious by whatever that flash had been from back there, or something. Maybe she was hallucinating. But no, the little black cat was standing beside her, hair standing straight up, hissing violently...

"I don't think we're in Kyoto anymore, Koneko..." Megumi whispered in awe.

-Shimizu Hitomi

* * *

blink. blink.

_Wait. What??_

There, in all his emasculating glory, was Takahata-san in a flamingo colored suit, pink fur cuffs encircling his thin, delicate wrists, glowing, and performing a flaming toss of his downy-soft hair. (so to speak, of course, had he truly been up in flames, the playful smile on his baby face would surely be replaced with utter horror…however, it is safe to say that there was a definite _glow_…)

"Why, Megumi…why so down?"

"…"

The doctor allowed herself a graceless drop of her jaw.

The pseudo-male pouted with a coyness any woman would envy. "Was Shinomori-san picking on you?"

_Hiiisssssssssssssssssssss...._

With an indignant widening of his eyes, Takahata-san huffed, "Don't even start with me, you hateful skuzz!"

"…but…you're the…" she began.

The man just smiled good-naturedly. "Honey, I'm not the only one with queer tendencies. What was that you said to Shinomori back there?

_I told him I hated him._

He nodded gravely. "Mmmhmm. Pretty wishy-washy of you, dontcha think? And here he was the one who made your toes curl, too. Tsk tsk."

"Now wait just a moment…!"

"I think it's called…hypocrisy?"

The woman fumed inwardly and ignored the crimson hue her cheeks took when she realized that as flighty and…eccentric the man before her was, he spoke only the truth.

He looked at her expectantly, cocking his thin face to one side. "Well, am I right?" he asked, listening to the sweet sound of begrudging silence. "Shame, too, he is a _hottie_."

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you telling me? Apologize to Shinomori."

Megumi slumped onto the ground, Koneko sniffing curiously at her change in demeanor. "I regret it already. I wish I hadn't said anything."

Takahata-san smirked knowingly. "Mmm…yes. Well, I suppose I could show you a few things of great interest. Perhaps your situation won't look so glum…hmmm?"

She could not be bought so easily. "What could be more interesting than my family crest being embroidered on a whore's uniform? Or worse, that others could possibly think that I would enjoy that; what a hussy I am! Thank you for your concern, Taka—"

"Silly woman," laughed the man with a posh wave of his hand. "Too quick to jump to conclusions…you're very much like that pig-headed Okashira."

MRRRRRROOOOOOWWW!!!!!!!

"_Ah, shut the mouth, pussycat!!!_" Takahata-san roared, showing a surprising cache of testosterone, as his voice didn't squeak once. An unholy thickness in the air crackled around them and Koneko retreated behind one of the doctor's legs. Better to let the human deal with unpleasant consequences…

Rolling his eyes, the filly of a man continued with a smile, "If you'd like…I could show you the could be's, would be's and will be's of your world. But only if…ya know…you're interested in that kind of thing," he said with a wink.

Megumi eyed him warily. "You mean…"

"Anything," Takahata-san beamed smugly, oh so smugly.

"Well…"

"Yes…?"

Versus mulling over the inconsistencies of bending reality and the rules established in her "normal" life, Megumi decided what the heck and indulged in a few burning questions…

"What if I had never told Aoshi that I hated him and we had continued with our charade?"

"I thought you'd never ask—!!!"

With that, Takahata-san grasped Megumi by the hand, pulled her up and took off, giggling with mirth. Right before the pink flash blinded them all, Koneko made a giant leap for the doctor's free hand and landed safely in the beautiful crook of her arm. Ahh…safety….

:::blink:::

They were back in Megumi's room and there was a stunned hush as things started coming together. Unfortunately, things couldn't come together quickly enough as the shoji in front of the doctor's face slid open with an audible thwak and she found herself face-to-face with Aoshi Shinomori.

In her absolute joy to see that beloved face again, Koneko made a dive from Megumi's arm to Aoshi's…

…only, his eyes were riveted on the woman in front of him and pussycat went crashing into his chest, sliding down his pant leg and finally contented herself with angrily rubbing her head against his ankles in order to gain his affections. However, it proved for naught.

_Skanky bitch._

"Megumi…" Aoshi's voice rumbled deep in his chest. "I was waiting for you."

The woman turned her head to glance at Takahata-san beside her. "What's he doing?" she asked.

"You'll see…"

There was a curious glimmer in his eyes before the hunk of beefcake leaned an arm against the shoji frame and stared unwaveringly into Meg's eyes. "You look bewitching, distracted as you are."

"What?"

"I would love to discuss this further with you in my chambers," he said, taking a sip of tea from the tiny ceramic cup he held. His hair was damp from a recent bath and he was wearing…

…well…

…he was wearing…

A black silk robe.

_Geez. Acts like Takahata-san isn't even here…_

(…)

_Wait a minute…_

…dammit…

And that's when she noticed that she was wearing a carmine, slinky robe of her own.

-Leila Winters

* * *

Megumi eeped.

Grabbed the silk robe's loose opening, which was threatening to spill open.

Backed away from the gorgeous man with the mesmerizing eyes and the dripping ebony bangs and the drops of water trickling lazily down his delectable chest…

no, no, no…!

…wait. delectable?

…the hell?

She backed into the opposite wall.

The gleaming, smoldering, ocean-blue eyes kept burning into hers. He rakishly cocked an elegant eyebrow, and with tantalizing slowness, stepped into her room.

"Or perhaps you'd rather discuss this in your room…?" his voice trailed off, low, soft, and tinged with more than a little seductiveness in its musical baritone...

The shoji slid shut.

If either one actually heard the hissing, yelping cat clawing at the closed shoji, they paid it no heed. Megumi, for one, was too preoccupied by the magnificent specimen drawing closer…and closer.

Those distracting eyes. That tousled hair. The almost feral…alluring…enticing…smile

no, no…!  
wait.  
smile?

For the first time in her life, Megumi was in dire danger of fainting dead away.

"Takahata-san…" she whispered, voice gradually crescendoing with increasing panic, "Takahata-san! This isn't funny...stop this right now.

Takahata-san!

Her eyes flickered to the now empty space beside her. The only hint of Takahata-san's flamboyant presence was a disembodied laughter that echoed like a ghost in her ear.

A light, warm touch on her arm made her whip her head back towards the man standing right in front of her.

His azure eyes were blazing and suspicious. "Who is this Takahata-san'?" he said slowly—almost…possessively?—with a muscle jumping in his clenched jaw, "he's not your…lover, is he?"

Megumi would have laughed at the ridiculous idea.

That is, if her jaw weren't currently gaping, unladylike, at the gorgeous man standing inches away from her. And if she wasn't currently focused with the hand that was gently touching her cheek.

"Because," the man Megumi thought was Aoshi, but was acting so unlike Aoshi, said more gently, fingers trailing lightly down her jaw and tracing her lips, "whoever he is, he doesn't deserve you…"

He was so close...and he smelled so good...

So distracted was Megumi that she did not even think of slapping him as Aoshi bent down to capture her lips for the second time that day.

Outside, a shadow that was anxiously spying on them through the shoji fell over on a certain pissed-off cat.

And outside the window of Megumi's room, an invisible Takahata-san rubbed his hands in glee and popped another buttery piece of popcorn into his mouth.  
  
-Trupana

* * *

The cat became even more pissed off when Misao accidentally stepped on her.   
Misao screamed in surprise, backpedaled, lost her balance, hit on her head on the floor, and blacked out for the seventeenth time.

Koneko, in a fit of hissing rage, flew down the staircase, muttering an oath to Kami-sama to never get in the way again of these stupid, idiotic, imbecilic, moronic, half-witted, senseless, asinine humans! Aoshi be damned. He may be damn hot and have the best-looking butt in the world, but she was not going to be ignored or stepped on anymore. She ran into the gardens, took a few deep breaths to calm herself, and then wandered away to find her friend Midori so they could go shopping together.

"Damn!" Takahata-san thought to himself as he grimaced at Misao's unconscious body. "That could have gotten real interesting." He sighed. "Oh, well, at least she got rid of the damn cat!"

He turned back to watch the other drama unfolding before him as he flipped another piece of popcorn into his mouth. It was getting interesting here, too. Who would have thought that a confirmed old queen like him would have enjoyed watching a salacious rendezvous between a male and a female?

He grinned widely as Aoshi crushed Megumi to his chest and snaked his mouth into hers. She fell limp against him, unable and unwilling to halt this sweet, searing assault on her senses. Her mind was blank except for the one word that kept flitting across her brain in big capital letters: "WOW!"

Takahata-san watched lustfully as Aoshi's hands slid down the front of Megumi's slinky robe to the tied sash at her waist. "Too bad, he's straight," he sighed ruefully. "Oh, well, time for me to get back to work. I won't get paid if this doesn't work out right."

He ate another piece of popcorn and clapped his hands three times. Megumi slid bonelessly to the ground as the pink glare faded away. She held one hand to her chest as she gasped out, "Why did you do that for? I was having fun!"

Takahata-san bent over her, his hands on his hips as he smirked at her. "I trust I've made my point, sweet-ums? That exactly what you wanted, isn't it? Well, now you can't have it because you just had to lie to yourself," he said. He paused a moment for dramatic flare. "And to him."

Megumi stood up, one hand held against her head. Kami-sama, what had she done? Had she just ruined the best time of her life that could have lasted the rest of her life? She had to fix this!

Megumi grabbed onto Takahata-san salmon lapels and began to shake him violently. "You've got to help me! Tell me what to do! Tell me what to do!"

Meanwhile, back in Kyoto…

Aoshi watched in stunned silence as Megumi fled his room. He stood there for several moments, his shocked blue eyes staring off into space. He could not believe the words she had spoken to him. They could not be true. He knew that there was no way she could actually hate him, not after the way she had kissed him, even if had been a joke. He had to find her and talk to her now!

He sped down the staircase and through the common room only to come to a  
screeching halt as Okina stepped in front of him. "Megumi was sobbing hysterically and ran out the back, Aoshi. I couldn't even stop her. What did you say to her? Why is she crying?" Okina demanded.

Aoshi butted his shoulder into Okina's as he moved past him. "This is your fault, old man," he growled as he ran out the back door of the Aoiya.

Aoshi took several moments to search the gardens, but Megumi wasn't there. He then moved around to the pathway leading out to the city streets and spotted her footprints. Swiftly, he followed them, looking down occasionally to check that he could still track her. Eventually, he saw her several hundred feet away. He ran quickly, trying to catch up to her when he saw her trip and fall.

Suddenly, the air blazed in a blinding pink light, and Aoshi watched in stunned amazement as Megumi disappeared before his very eyes. "Megumi!" he cried as he leaped into the last of pink glare's light...

-Amberle-chan

* * *

He leapt as the last of the light faded.  
And felt something hit his face.

"First of all, get your hands off my shirt," Takahata smiled evilly. "I'm not going to substitute for Aoshi Shinomori. Or some figment of your imagination that vaguely resembles Aoshi Shinomori."

"Figment?" Megumi made a disgusted face as she pushed Takahata away. "That figment was as real as you are."

"Exactly," Takahata sighed. "Which tells you that you really have issues, woman."

"I have issues?" Megumi's fingers started to twitch. "This was your doing!"

"Wrong," the man flipped his light colored hair over his shoulder. "Black silk robe. Think I'd put Aoshi Shinomori in a black silk robe? NO! Blue! It'd have been blue to match his eyes! Obviously that was something you invented-- including that weird crest on the back of his robe!"

Megumi thought as hard as she could, not aware that the scenery around her was slowly fading. She did not notice because she was trying to remember the supposed detail that was the proof of her own delusions. It was rather hard to remember anything after Aoshi (or the supposed figment of her imagination) had sauntered in, seized her and made her think about many things and nothing -- including starting the line of sons she had promised Okina. "I don't know whatever you're talking about," she sniffed. "You're saying that I invented that robe, I made that man come over here and I made him do all that?!"

Takahata giggled. "For a doctor, you are slow."

She slowly clenched her fists together. "So this is just one odd dream? My dream?"

"Something like that, but not exactly. You should read Dickens, you know. He just came out with a lovely work--"

Who the hell is Dickens?' Megumi took one step closer to Takahata, wondering how her own delusions could invent people she had never heard of. "So now you're telling me that I'm the depraved person who thought this entire thing up? That all I want is for Aoshi Shinomori (or some poor cheap imitation) to seduce me?!"

"Well, you know you started it. You kissed him, woman." He started to smirk, but was rudely interrupted by a huge punch in the face.

Takahata fell flat on his face and with panicked eyes touched his face. "What was that for?!!"

Megumi stood over him with the scariest expression on her face. "Just wanted to make sure you weren't another figment of my imagination. But since this is all in my head, that shouldn't have hurt you at all."

"It did! It did!" Takahata shrieked. "You can't play this way with me! I'm the--"

"You're fired." Megumi began to stomp away. "Since you said this was my dream, I'm kicking you out of it."

She stomped away, back into the darkness of night.

The meow was plaintive and grieved. The light had been followed by something very odd -- a shadowy presence yes, and the annoying woman talking to something. She had been fooled too by the odd illusions of that other rival for her owner's attention, but only for a moment. It had been an illusion -- but had lacked the distinctive smell of home. And so she had padded back, curious as  
to what the woman who had foolishly tried to help her was not involved with.

The woman had talked strangely to the shadows in the light before finally screaming, 'You're fired!' and violently attacking a shadow in the slowly dissipating mist.

The resulting loud sound caused the cat to run to the shadows again. But when nothing else happened, she peered out and saw that the hussy had a hit, not a shadow, but a real live man. A man, who by his own scent, she would never mistake for anything other than her precious owner.

"Mowr!" The cat cried as it padded over to the unconscious and now bruised form of Aoshi Shinomori, ignoring the woman as she walked drugged and waveringly away towards whatever other creatures of the night waited.

"Mowr!" The cat licked her owner's hand, ignorant of the stunned look on his face.

"Mowr!"

-Longwinded Girl

* * *

She was just a flurry of fists and she only cared for the sweet, sweet feeling of beating up on her tormentor.

When she finally stopped hitting him, the lump of dark cloth had collapsed into a heap on the ground. 'Hmph, good.' Megumi thought to herself, as she began to walk away. 'Stay there, jerk!'

As she stalked in no particular direction, the walls around her seemed to be infused with a tint of magenta. In her ear, she could hear the disembodied cackling of a Takahata's voice.

Megumi spun around and marched right back to the spot where she had left her victim. She was about to give him kick to the gut when—

_Wait. Black cloth?_

_Black._

_Not pink._

_Not feathery._

_Not silk_.

With a shriek, her fists unclenched and she threw herself to her knees.

"Aoshi? Son of a—" A string of curses that no proper lady should ever know spilled out of her demure, flower petal lips.

After an instant, the hitting started up again.

"Takahata!"

Smack! "This--"

Smack "is--"

Smack "not-"

SMACK "funny!"

She grabbed him by the lapels of his blazer and hauled the heavy lump to his feet. "Don't you think you can try this again! I will NOT be part of your stupid hentai games—and--and I don't know how you somehow made yourself to smell like him, but I don't want sleep with him! It's NOT in my mind! You fiend! Oh, and I was most  
certainly NOT thinking about carrying his children!"

Her voice failed her as her mind summoned the memory of his lips on hers. The overwhelming and dizzying heat of his body. It was a constructed memory.

So she hit him once more on the chest for good measure. "Takahata, you come back right now!"

Silence. Nothing happened.

"—Megumi."

She blinked.

"Are you quite done?" He straightened his coat. "It's um, good to know that you're safe and--" He brushed the dusted himself off, "who's Takahata?"

Her eyes widened in shock. A realization. A moment of complete ground-shaking, jaw-dropping, crawl into a cave or dig a hole all the way to America embarrassment.

"And for someone with no martial arts training, you can really throw a punch." He rubbed his smarting jaw. "I am surprised to find that you harbor so much hatred towards me."

"I don't—-hate you."

"I remember you saying that you hated me. Unless it was a crazy radical interpretation of our words on my part—" He paused, and spun around, looking in confusion at his surroundings. "Hey what is this place? And why is it so—pink?"

For once, Megumi had no idea what to do. So in light of the sheer absurdity of their situation, she laughed. She just laughed and laughed and laughed.

Koneko had slinked away when the humans were once again embroiled in their drama.

She dragged her claws against the floor as if to sharpen them. She wanted desperately to gnaw on that she-devil fox woman's head.

She stood on her haunches. She waited. She sprang up, bearing her claws and opening her jaws, ready for some gnawing action.

Midway through her aerial acrobatics, a hand clamped down onto her tail and pulled her back.

"Naughty kitty." A voice chastised. "Patience, Kitty-san patience. Just watch. You'll have more fun that way."

"Meowr." Koneko argued.

He sighed. It was a rueful, pensive sort of sigh. "He really is a fine specimen of male-ness isn't he?"

"Meowr." Koneko concurred.

Takahata absent-mindedly stroked the cat. It took Koneko a few moments to realize that Takahata was not watching the human drama, but he was instead checking out his reflection in a mirror.

"Say Kitty. I look pretty darned cute holding you! I'm kinda diabolical, in a kitschy, Hollywood-cliche type of way. And you totally do not clash with my outfit! Would you like to be my sidekick? I can conjure up some catnip!"

Koneko carefully sniffed the other man. He smelled of vanilla with a hint of cherries.

He was no ninja boy, but he will do.

"Meowr." She agreed.

-ChiisaiLammy

* * *

End part 4.

Feedback always welcome!


	9. 9

**The Trouble with a House Full of Ninjas**  
by: the Shrine of Ice and Fire  
August 2004

There were times he admired his skill. As soon as he felt another presence during Megumi's tirade, he had switched places, nearly convincing Megumi that the person was him. He hadn't expected Aoshi to follow Megumi. He stroked Koneko behind her ears thoughtfully.

Which meant what?

He chuckled as a thought occurred to him. As much as he would enjoy seeing what strange thoughts Megumi had about Aoshi…it'd probably be more fun to see both of them together. Who knows how they'd deal with what he had planned.

"That woman can talk all she wants. But we know better, she's sailing The Nile, kitty," Takahata announced, laughing at his own joke. "Let's see what'll happen if we…"

Aoshi waited until Megumi ran out of breath in her laughter. He didn't know what else to do. She seemed so confused, upset, furious, violent ­ all at once.

"This is insane," Megumi declared. "All of this. Pink clouds, pink light…stupid pink butterflies…" She swatted two away.

"Are you all right?" Aoshi asked.

"I'm fine." Megumi began to walk away.

In what direction…and to what specifically, he wasn't sure. Everything looked the same to him. Pink. He stayed a distance away from her, walking behind her. She obviously didn't seem to care if he was behind her or not. She apparently was distracted.  
He blinked hard for a moment. If he wasn't mistaken, he could have sworn he just saw two pink bear cubs dancing on clouds. Maybe he ate something bad.

But that wouldn't make sense. He just ran out of the Aoiya, determined to follow Megumi before jumping into some bright light.

The mist…when did that get there?…parted to reveal a pink castle with a tall tower and wide, stained-glass windows. And standing at the front…Aoshi blinked again. A woman with flowing hair stood at the front, dressed in a pink outfit of puffy sleeves and a short skirt, a white apron wrapped around her waist. She waved enthusiastically.

Megumi was right. This was insane. Where were they?

"Hello!" the woman greeted. "Welcome to the Pink Fantasy Inn!"

Pink Fantasy…? Aoshi struggled to keep his expression neutral. The body was female, but the voice…

"Takahata!" Megumi exclaimed. "What do you think you're  
doing?!"

"You fired me, sweet-ums," he cooed. "So I had to find another job."

"At the Pink Fantasy Inn??"

This was Takahata? Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, he knew that the person was a man, but he didn't think he'd be THIS feminine.

"Come in, please!" Takahata clapped his hands three times.

Instantly, Aoshi felt dizzy. The scenery changed, materializing into a large room with chairs made of plush material and a wide circular bed covered with white satin sheets. At the head of the bed were four, red heart-shaped pillows. Several vanilla scented candles lined the mahogany nightstands by the bed, filling the room in a soft, subtle, but intoxicating scent.

_What the-?_

Aoshi never got to finish his thought as the one called Takahata cleared his throat.

"So!"

Megumi stared at the other man with murder in her eyes. "Takahata, what are you-?"

"Well, I hope you enjoy your stay."

"Wait…we never agreed to stay-" Megumi protested.

"You seem stressed, sweet-ums. You could use some rest. Or something else," Takahata laughed. Then he wiggled his fingers in a wave. "Use your imagination."

Aoshi closed his eyes briefly. What was going on? Everything was happening faster than any battle he'd ever...

"Toodles!" Takahata disappeared in a flash of pink.

And Aoshi blacked out.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding," Takahata exclaimed, stroking Koneko's back. "I thought he was made of stronger stuff than that!"

Koneko meowed in response.

"Hmm. But I'm sure he's got other fine…assets to make up for it. I think if I was a woman I could overlook him fainting whenever pink light flashed..."

He felt something soft and cool press against his forehead.

Then it was taken away.

It came again to his cheek. He felt his mouth move, but he wasn't sure if words came out.

_What a day._

"Good to see that we haven't completely lost you, Aoshi Shinomori."

Megumi's voice.

It took several moments for him to open his eyes. Megumi was patting a cool cloth against his face, and he was lounging back on the strange bed. Relief filled him. She didn't hate him. She wouldn't do this if she did. Although he tried to ignore the little  
voice inside of him that said she was just being a doctor, which was why she was tending to him.

His eyes shifted to the ceiling, and he groaned inwardly. What was with this…place? Pink clouds, pink dancing bears, mirrors above beds…what was the point of having a mirror above a bed?  
  
-Cherie Dee

* * *

"Do you feel all right, Aoshi-san?"

The beautiful doctor's melodious voice drifted over Aoshi's senses. Mmm. The shadow man contented himself with lying back and enjoying the feel of the cold cloth against different parts of his face.

"Aoshi?"

He really did like the sound of her voice when she was being informal with his name. He could get used to it. Her face entered his line of vision, her eyebrows scrunched up in a scowl.

"Aoshi Shinomori. Do answer me when you see fit to do it."

Whoops. So he was enjoying things a little too much. "I…thank you."

The woman moved to lie beside him on the wholly impractical mattress, where their eyes met in the large mirror on the ceiling. "What now?" she asked.

"Perhaps you'd like to explain this Takahata-san you seem to know…"

She let out a breath. "I don't know. That man who wanted to purchase women's undergarments from you? And then the pink lights…and there were the robes…and now he's put us here—I just don't know what to think anymore. I thought he was on my side."

"I didn't realize there were sides to take. How did we get here?"

"I don't know!" she said, exasperated.

Perhaps he was hallucinating…or perhaps it was the candles that flickered in every reflective surface…or perhaps it was the heavy scent in the air…

…perhaps…well, in any case, he should…

…hmm. You know, he really did have a point to that train of thought…funny he couldn't think of it now…

He became aware of Megumi's form shifting on the bed and watched the mirror above as he saw and felt her chest press against his shoulder. Her lips were brushing his ear and he fought the reaction he was having at feeling her hot breath tease his earlobe. Christ Almighty.

With the lightest of whispers, her voice filled his thoughts, "I think the aromas in here are getting to me…are they getting to you?"

He fisted his hands at his sides. Good God, yes. He had but to turn his head and…

"It's frightening…do you think you could protect the both of us from something you don't understand?"

He had to keep his head. She needed him alert. She needed him. Alert.

She needed him. It had an intoxicating ring to it.

She leaned in closer and his eyes rolled back into his head in ecstasy when the tip of her tongue touched just inside the sensitive tissue in his ear. "I…I'm sorry for earlier, Aoshi. I really don't hate you."

WTF?? Megumi pounded on the clear floor beneath her. Dumb broad, get your hands off him!!! Who the hell was that woman—because it sure wasn't her!!

"Aoshi, you idiot."

The woman doctor found herself in this tiny, dark enclosure when Takahata-san had supposedly welcomed she and Aoshi into his inn. If not for the window into the room beneath her, she would have passed out from sheer fright.

But now…now that she sees some damn hussy who looks and sounds like her, cuddling awfully close to the man with the supposed heart of ice…it just really pissed her off.

"_Shhhh…_"

Aoshi's soft murmur echoed in the doctor's prison. She covered her ears. "Stop."

"_I am the one who should apologize. I was unforgivably rude. I did not consider your feelings_."

His voice surrounded her, warmed her and resounded within the enclosure. She couldn't stop even the faintest of whispers from being heard in her cell. Not even when she made all the noise she could to keep the voices away.

"Takahata, are you there?? This isn't funny!!!"

Megumi was sliding her hands down his chest and he almost made a sound from the tension there. Something wasn't right. He was breathing hard, but whether it was the lady doctor's doing, or the effort it took to not be undone, he wasn't sure. But he couldn't let things go any further.

"Megumi—"

She insisted on letting her hands roam. He grasped her wrists, twisted, and jerked them behind her back, forcing her facedown into the mattress.

"TAKAHATA!!! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS MY FANTASY!!!"

Suddenly, he was there beside her, smiling cheekily. "I know."

The floor beneath Meg became intangible(?), untouchable(!), insubstantial(!!!) and she fell…through the mirror, into the room and onto Aoshi's back.

"—OOOF!" the lady doctor found herself in a very undignified sprawl, her back to Aoshi's back.The onmitsu turned his head to look at her and immediately looked at the woman beneath him and back again."But…how can there be two of you?"

-Leila Winters

* * *

Aoshi waited only for half a second for the woman who had landed on his back to remove herself before he leapt off the same woman who was lying beneath him. He backed off from the bed and from the two women who were now glaring very sharp, serrated-edged daggers at each other with the same colored eyes. He brought up one hand to scrub at his eyes. This was becoming too much even for him. As the  
Oniwabanshuu Okashira and former Captain of Edo Castle, he had thought he had seen everything in life that could be seen…but pink lights, a man dressed in a pink skirt, pink dancing bears, a pink castle, and now two Megumis was enough to push him right to the edge of insanity. There couldn't possibly be two Megumis! He had investigated her when they had been in the employ of Kanryuu and he knew for a fact that Megumi Takani did not have a twin. He twisted the palm of his hand into his eyes again, but the scene before him didn't change. Maybe he was drugged...yes, that was it. Okina  
probably put something into his tea as a joke...

He watched in shocked, unbridled amazement as Megumi no. 1 shifted her position on the bed to her hands and knees, her teeth bared at Megumi no. 2, who had dropped down into a crouch, poised to strike.

"Hands off! He's mine!" Megumi no. 2 declared vehemently as she launched herself at the bed. Megumi no. 1 hissed in response.

Aoshi's eyes swung to Megumi no. 1. That hiss sounded awfully familiar…

POP!

Takahata-san appeared in a flash of pink light. He was now sitting on the bed, next to Megumi no. 1, legs crossed demurely under a pink gingham dress. On his head was a big, floppy straw hat decorated with a huge plastic red rose. He reached out and stroked one hand down Megumi no. 1's soft, long black hair. "Now, now, children," he  
purred. "Play nicely."

Aoshi's eyes widened further in astonishment as Megumi no. 1 transformed slowly into Koneko beneath Takahata-san petting hand. A cat??? He had been about to make love to a cat? He shook his head once to clear it. He had had enough of this nonsense. Okay, maybe this was a dream or a drug-induced nightmare, but it was time to  
find out what the hell was going on. That very strange man/woman/being seemed to be at the heart of this, and that's where he would start. He would do what he did best: obtain the information he needed. It was time for some answers.

Aoshi reached out and grabbed Megumi's hand as it swung out to slap Takahata-san. She glared up at him but lowered her hand. She stepped back as Aoshi twisted one hand in Takahata's dress and slowly lifted him off the bed. She smiled ferally. "Yes, this is much better," she thought to herself as she watched Aoshi in open admiration. "Now,  
we'll definitely find out what's going on."

Takahata-san squealed as he felt himself being lifted several inches off the floor. He wrapped one hand in desperation around Aoshi's arm. "Now, don't get your knickers in a knot, sweet cheeks, I'll explain everything!" Takahata exclaimed. Aoshi's eyes glinted  
dangerously as he threw Takahata back on the bed, where he landed on Koneko. She howled in protest and ran for cover under the bed.

Aoshi crossed his arms across his chest and glared fiercely down at the pink being laying sprawled across the bed. "Talk," he demanded in a low growl. "Who are you? Where are we? What the hell is going on?"

Takahata-san sat up on the bed and began to straighten out his dress. After a moment, he took the big floppy hat off his head and began to fan himself with it. "I really thought that this would work this time, but you two are really tough," he half murmured to  
himself as he gazed up at them. He began to stand up but found himself shoved back by Megumi. "I believe Aoshi-san told you to explain yourself," she stated icily.

"Okay, okay," Takahata agreed in a faltering voice. "Someone...hired me to bring you two together. I'm a fairy god queen-slash- matchmaker, you see. I help out when Cupid is overbooked."

"Who hired you?" Aoshi asked as he leaned over Takahata. "Was it Okina?"

"Well, yes and no…"

"What do you mean yes and no'?" Megumi demanded. "This is exactly the kind of thing he would pull."

"Well, I was actually recommended to Okina by another person," Takahata answered, "Okina hired me, but he paid the bill."

Aoshi grabbed the front of his dress again, his fury now rising to dangerous levels. "Who recommended you?"

Takahata reached down into the pocket of his dress and pulled out a picture. He stroked his fingers against it. "My own true love," he said sighing loudly. "Unfortunately, he belongs to another. Oh, well." He flipped the picture over so that they could both see it. "Isn't he a vision of loveliness? I made that pink gi for him, you know…"

"Kenshin!??!" Aoshi and Megumi cried as one.

-Amberle-chan

* * *

Two pairs of disbelieving eyes stared. And stared.  
"Ken-san? _Himura Kenshin_?"  
"The _Hitokiri Battousai_?"

"The one and only." Takahata beamed at them, and gave the picture another loving polish with his pink sleeve, "He's quite a surprise, that one. Did you know he was chosen to be Cupid's apprentice once, before he settled down? But that's another story. He's so clever when it comes to being a matchmaker, though. He came up with the  
idea of setting two you up like this, don't ya know." He admired his reflection in the newly buffed picture and returned it carefully to his pocket, but not before giving it a playful wink and a kiss.

He looked back up at the two, eager to see their reaction.

Two pairs of angry, _angry _eyes glared. And glared.

Takahata gulped and adjusted the collar of the dress, which suddenly felt much too tight. Maybe bringing up Kenshin's part in this had been a bad idea.

He looked nervously at the way Megumi's trembling hands were gripping the bed sheets and wringing them tighter and tighter and /tighter/, as though it were someone's neck. Somehow, the muscle jumping in the jaw the gorgeous hunk of former okashira was not quite reassuring either, nor was the way his hands clenched around the handles of his long-unused kodachi.

They looked ready to kill the pretty redhead.

Or if not him, someone else who wore pink…and was sitting right in front of them.

"You...liar!"

Takahata squealed and scrambled under the bed as Megumi made a grab for him. Koneko meow'ed at him indignantly as he bumped into her in his haste. He quickly cuddled the kitty in his arms and prayed to every god he could think of that he would be spared from a horrible, painful death.

"I'm too young and much too beautiful to die!" Takahata wailed as a furious Megumi pulled at a foot that stuck out from under the bed.

"Get out from under there, Takahata-san, or so help me I'll use Aoshi's kodachis and stab you through the mattress!" Megumi's voice was muffled from where Takahata sobbed under the bed, but even Koneko recognized that the woman meant every word and would do it if she had to. Apparently, Megumi had forgotten that she was a healer…

"And then I'll sew you back together and stab you again!"

Then again, maybe not.

Takahata squealed louder and curled up into a ball, cringing as he waited for the silver blades to come hurling through the mattress. But the only thing that came was Aoshi's cool, measured voice.

"Megumi, I can't let you kill him…"

Takahata sighed with relief and thanked the gods for the gorgeous okashira's protecting presence. "That's right Megumi, listen to Aoshi-kun. You can't kill me."

"…not before I hurt him first."

"Deal." Megumi's honey-sweet voice held an obviously feral edge.

Before he could react, a pair of hands had pulled him out from under the bed and held him upside-down, dangling like a roast pig in a butcher store. He looked up to see a stone-faced Aoshi holding him by the ankles, and a fuming Megumi glaring at him.

Takahata shrieked. He shrieked louder than Misao.

"I didn't lie, I swear! Kenshin was the mastermind behind the entire thing—-okay, well, Okina suggested putting you two together in the first place, and I had some input too, and Okina came up with the idea of the mirrors, which I thought was a fabulous  
idea, and I suggested the idea of an inn (pretty clever, don't you think?)—" the red-faced Takahata paused for breath, then continued on, Misao-style, "—but really, it's all /Kenshin's/ fault! I would never lie about this, I really wouldn't."

"Especially not to someone as gorgeous as you, sweet cheeks." Takahata added, winking at the somewhat put-off Aoshi, "Or someone as temperamental as you, sweet-ums." He jabbed a finger at Megumi with a charming smile, which Megumi returned with a glare and a frustrated growl.

"In fact, why don't I let him confirm this himself?" the fairy god queen added brightly as Megumi's foot headed for his head. Before her foot hit its target, Takahata gave a cheeky snap, and the two disappeared into thin air in a flurry of pink sparkles.

Takahata dropped head-first onto the floor, a squalling Koneko in his arms.

"Orororo…" Takahata rubbed the bump on his head and shook off the mini-Kenshins that macarena'd in a circle around his head. He stood up unsteadily, and bumped into to a mirrored wall.

"Well Koneko, that was a close call. Kenshin-kun will deal with them for now. But they won't get rid of me so easily…I'm not done with them yet." He beamed at his reflection with a lopsided, mischievous smile.

Koneko rolled her eyes as Takahata placed her on his shoulder and clicked his heels three times. As they disappeared on their merry way to Tokyo, Koneko could only think of how Takahata- san had ruined her fun with Aoshi. Hmph.

Well, she'd get back at that pretty fairy-man someday.

And that damn little hussy too.

Ooof.

They fell onto a floor.

Aoshi's eyes opened blurrily, and something that looked like a room with four unmirrored walls, a small desk, and a tatami covered-floor floated into his hazy vision. He had dropped onto something soft, which must be the bed. But where was Megumi?

"Aoshi?" Megumi's sweet voice drifted to him from somewhere in the fog. He squinted, trying to place the direction of the voice. "Yes?"

"Get off of me!" she hissed. His vision, hearing, and other miscellaneous onmitsu senses came roaring back to him, and he quickly realized that he was lying on top of an irritated and breathless Megumi in one of the most uncomfortable situations he had  
ever been in.

Okay, so his head was resting rather comfortably on her soft chest, and the feeling of her body molded against his was rather pleasant, and her breathy, alluring voice floating to his ear was rather…enticing…

"_Oro_?!?!"

Aoshi jumped off Megumi faster than he had ever moved in his life. But it wasn't fast enough to avoid the detection of the former Battousai.

Kenshin, resplendent in his pink —ahem, magenta— gi, stood in the doorway, looking adorably confused and thoroughly red-faced at the two people in the rather …ahem.. .interesting situation. He cocked his head to one side; he thought that they were in Kyoto, and he would have known if they had arrived in Tokyo for a visit. How  
did they get here, and more specifically, in here, without him noticing?

And why in the world did they look like they wanted to kill him?

-Trupana

* * *

**Two weeks earlier...**

_I still remember, dearest, that one fervid, blissful night we shared beneath the stars. How could I forget? It is all I can think of sometimes, lying awake and alone in bed and  
longing for your warmth. I still dream of your twilit eyes on mine, still smell the thick  
heat of your hair. In my fingertips still tingle the satin of your skin; in the darkness I close my eyes and trace with kisses the scar across your cheek._

Kenshin dropped the paper as though it had scalded him. Hot blood filled his face. A  
sudden sound made him tense and whirl, but it was only the flurry of feathers as birds  
took flight outside the window. He was alone in the bedroom still.

Cringing at his own tension, he forced himself to turn back toward the fallen paper and pick it up--tentatively, reluctantly, as though the very act of holding it would poison him.

It was Megumi's handwriting--of that he was certain. He had known it the moment he had seen it; he wouldn't have needed a signature even if there had been one. But what she had written... He felt his cheeks flame again. He wasn't sure whether it was with embarrassment for having read such an intimate message, or shame for having invaded something so private as a woman's fantasies--which had to be fantasies, not that they were about him, because he and Megumi had certainly never... they had never...

Kenshin gulped and quickly folded the letter back into its accustomed creases, then stuffed it into the stack of documents from which it had come. For a moment he sat there tensely, eyeing the otherwise innocent pile of papers.

Then he hastily shuffled through the pile again until he had recovered the letter, and stuffed it into his gi. He would burn it. That's what he would do. Oh, but Megumi needed it back. Damn! He would have to give it back. He would--

"Ken-shiiin? Doko?"

_Kaoru!_ The single name shot through Kenshin with an emotion very like fear. Kenshin gave the letter one last push into his inner pocket just in time to turn a blindingly cheery smile on Kaoru, who had come into the doorway.

"Oh there you are," clucked Kaoru lovingly, drawing nearer to her fiance, who--she realized somewhat belatedly--was very red in the face and perspiring heavily. She frowned and stepped back. "Mou, Kenshin! If you've been working so hard, why is here  
still such a mess? You haven't even unpacked yet!"

She gestured broadly to indicate the papers, clothing, and half-full baggage that was still  
scattered about the floor of his room.

"S-Sumanai, Kaoru-dono," Kenshin stammered with his best clueless-rurouni look, scratching the back of his head and smiling sheepishly. "The summer days are just getting a bit hotter, that's all."

"Well, you should come to tea anyhow. I made some mochi just for you."

And Kenshin, gazing lovestruck upon his prettily blushing fiancee, almost forgot his  
distress.

"This unworthy one must not keep them waiting, then," he murmured, as Kaoru upturned her face to his...

"Kenshin-kun!" A strangely high-pitched voice split the air, seeming to come from the  
back gate. "Yoohoo! I know you're in there, come out come out!"

"Mou!" muttered Kaoru, her lips a scant inch from Kenshin's. "Can't we just ignore him...  
her... whoever?" she said longingly, tugging at Kenshin's sleeve as he glanced distractedly in the direction of the gate.

"I'm afraid not, koishii," he murmured regretfully, nuzzling her ear until she shivered. "This... man... is an old friend, and hates to be kept waiting."

"Ah, I knew you were home!" chirped Takahata triumphantly as Kenshin strode across  
the yard. "How have you been, lovey?" he crooned more softly as Kenshin came  
reluctantly nearer.

"Fine, thanks," said Kenshin, smiling his innocent rurouni smile again and trying not to  
seem obvious as he dodged the fairy queen's attempts to grab hold of him. "And, er,  
you?"

"Beautiful as ever," sighed the fairy, fluttering his lashes at Kenshin, who studiously  
glanced away. "Just stopping by on my merry way to Kyoto, where I haven't gone  
sightseeing in too long, you know," and he punctuated his sentence with a wink that set  
Kenshin's teeth on edge. "Oh, by the way, I met some messenger on the way here and I absolutely insisted that I bring this package to you instead of him. My good deed for the day, you know."

And he presented a neatly wrapped box to Kenshin, who--for the first time in what  
seemed like hours--found himself with a genuine smile.

"Ah, from Okina-dono. Must be the things we left behind in Kyoto last week."

"Open it, open it," urged Takahata loudly, even as his long, slender, elegantly anicured  
hands (for as a fairy queen, of course, he could time-travel even for such frivolities as  
nail polish) swiftly crawled over the box.

Remembering at that moment just how nosy his former colleague and coworker could  
be, Kenshin found it hard to keep the innocent-rurouni smile on his face as he suddenly  
found himself in a losing battle to keep the box shut. Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu godlike  
speed was fine and dandy, but Takahata was still a god, after all.

And so, a split second later, Kenshin dropped the box--spilling its contents all over the  
ground in a rich spill of black, shimmering silk.

Kenshin gaped in horror at the small, dainty garment lying amid the grass, and at the  
unmistakable crest embroidered richly on its bosom.

"Kenshin?" The affectionate tones lilted through the air from inside the house. "Is  
everything okay?"

Frantically Kenshin glanced from the fallen garment to the half-open room from where  
Kaoru was calling. "Everything's fine, Kaoru-dono!" he called, stooping to retrieve the  
dainty black slip. Then, as though realizing just what he held in his hands, he dropped it  
hastily back into its box.

"My, my, Kenshin-kun, I didn't know you went in for that sort of thing now." There was  
a speculative gleam in Takahata's eyes as they lingered on the shimmering black fabric.

Kenshin gritted his teeth. "There's been a mistake..."

"Do we have company for tea?" And Kaoru peered out the open shoji. Kenshin very  
nearly yelped and hid the box behind his back, as he spun around to smile at his  
betrothed. To his dismay he found Takahata doing exactly the same.

"I don't see why not--"

"--but Takahata-kun was just leaving," cut in Kenshin hurriedly. "Everything's fine, I'll be there in a minute, koishii!" With a last, skeptical look, Kaoru vanished from sight, back into the house.

When Takahata pouted his way, Kenshin merely gave him a small, pleading smile...   
widened his eyes a little, little bit, tilted his face to catch the golden afternoon sun... With a bit of chi, a breeze came up to ruffle his fiery hair...

Takahata heaved a long, silvery sigh and, raising his sleeve behind an elegant fan, wiped away a hint of drool. "You want me to do something for you."

"Please, Takahata-kun. For old times' sake." Kenshin suppressed a tiny shudder at the  
thought. "Take this to Okina... Tell him there's been a mix-up, and this is for Megumi-  
dono, not me..."

He spoke slowly and carefully, his heart sinking within him at the entranced look in  
Takahata's eyes as they met his. He felt a little guilty about using his, er, charms on the  
poor fairy like this--but it would not be easy to explain a black silky undergarment   
with the Takani crest to Kaoru-dono, that it wouldn't.

He held fast to that bracing thought as he replaced the box's lid and retied the knot, then  
presented it, with a deep bow, to Takahata.

"I can't believe I'm going to be your errand boy now," pouted Takahata, not in the least gratified by Kenshin's politeness.

"Please?" Kenshin smiled at him hopefully.

Takahata arched an eyebrow, still holding the box at arms' length as though it contained  
something poisonous. "You're still gorgeous, Kenshin-kun, but getting a bit rusty. At least give me one good reason I should do this for you."

Kenshin thought for only a second. "Shinomori Aoshi."

Takahata stared back. "Eh?"

I owe you big time, old friend, thought Kenshin with a pang of sympathy for the oblivious onmitsu. "You'll understand when you find him."

Takahata said nothing, merely met Kenshin's level gaze silently for a long moment.

Then he beamed, and pink hearts popped all around him.

"You were always so cute when you were desperate!"

With a flurry of a kiss--two kisses--one on each flaming rurouni cheek, and a long irrepressible giggle trailing in echoes in his wake, Takahata vanished even before Kenshin could say "oro."

Confused and profoundly embarrassed, Kenshin stood still and trembling for a moment.  
He thought he heard a ghostly voice saying quietly to itself, "Talk to Okina... about  
Megumi... find Aoshi... roger that! On to Kyoto!!"

Then, shaking his head and muttering "oro ro..." beneath his breath, he went to join his  
fiancee for tea.

-Keishiko

* * *

**end flashback**

Kenshin scratched the back of his head with one hand and put on his best rurouni smile, his violet eyes wide and innocent. He had a sudden funny, nervous feeling as to why Aoshi and Megumi were here and just who had transported them to the dojo. Was there a way to deflect their obvious wrath and get out of this? He had to try or they would never forgive him. And if Kaoru ever found out…he shook his head. He didn't even want to think about that one.

"Hello, you two!" he exclaimed cheerily. "I did not expect to see you so soon again, that I didn't!" He couldn't help noticing that the glares thrown his way had both intensified to hazardous levels. He gulped. "Um…welcome to Tokyo!" he finished lamely.

Aoshi reluctantly rose from what had been the softest, warmest, most pliant cushion he had ever had the privilege of lying upon (Megumi really did feel very, very good, and he wondered briefly when he could have that privilege again), but Himura's meddling had to be dealt with first.

As his hands clenched around the hilts of his kodachis, Aoshi let the all of the fury he was feeling ooze out of every pore. He had just been placed in the strangest, wierdest, mind-bending situation of his life, nearly losing his sanity in the process, and all apparently due to the small red-headed man standing in front of him. "I really will kill you this time, Battousai," he growled menacingly as he took one step forward toward the former hitokiri. His crystal blue eyes crackled dangerously.

"Not if I kill him first," Megumi stated icily as she also stood up. Her once-beloved Ken-san had definitely overstepped his bounds this time.

Aoshi turned back to face her. "Perhaps we should join forces, Megumi-san, and kill him together."

"Deal," Megumi replied. She spat on her hand and held it out. Aoshi spat on his hand and shook her hand once. They turned around and together took one more step toward Kenshin.

"Maa, maa!" Kenshin cried in a strangled voice as he held up his hands placatingly and backed up against a wall. "I can see that you both have met Takahata-san, that I can! I can explain!"

Megumi crossed her arms beneath her breasts, her face scowling at the rurouni. "Explain, then," she demanded. "Now."

"Be quick, Himura," Aoshi commanded as he loosened his kodachis in their sheaths until an inch of steel glowed from each one, reflecting back the candlelight in the room. "Who is Takahata? And why did you send him after Megumi-san and me?" He was seething and wanted an explanation now. No one kidnapped the Oniwabanshuu  
Okashira to a pink castle without his permission!

"Well, um…you see, I…" Kenshin's tongue stumbled through the words, smiling foolishly. "It's like this.. you know…heh."

Aoshi let another inch of kodachi slip out of the sheaths when the door to the room suddenly slid open. "Kenshin…," Kaoru said as she stepped into the room, but then her eyes widened in shock when she beheld Aoshi and Megumi standing there, both of them wearing livid expressions. "Aoshi? Megumi?" she asked in a startled voice. "When did you get here? I didn't even know you were coming to Tokyo."

"Neither did we," Megumi muttered.

"Huh?" Kaoru asked, puzzled. "Is something wrong?"

"They sort of…popped in," Kenshin explained hastily. He grabbed his fiancee's arm "I have to talk to you, Kaoru. Excuse us!" He bowed slightly to the dojo's very unexpected guests and steered Kaoru back down the hallway. Kenshin sighed inwardly. He would have to explain this situation to Kaoru after all and face whatever consequences she decided to hand out.

Aoshi and Megumi both leaned out of the doorway, their ears straining to hear the whispered conversation that Kenshin was having with Kaoru.

"Kaoru, do you remember that strange man who came here two weeks ago?" the two eavesdroppers heard Kenshin say. They saw Kaoru's head bob down once in reply. "Well…," Kenshin began, and then his voice became too low for them to hear. Both Aoshi and Megumi watched with a certain amount of satisfaction as Kaoru's expression became angrier by the second. Kenshin's murmured explanation went on for another minute or two more before Kaoru exploded completely. "You did what?!!!" she shouted. "Kenshin, you idiot!" Her fist swung out and slugged him. She stalked away, muttering angrily.

Kenshin landed on the floor with a loud thud. "She really loves me, that she does," he gasped, violet eyes swirling madly. "Oro, oro, oroooo……..ooohhh…"

Megumi looked calmly up at the tall, handsome onmitsu standing before her. "It looks like we'll have to wait for our explanation," she said.

Four inches of kodachi steel hissed back into their sheaths. "I am a patient man," Aoshi replied.

-Amberle-chan

* * *

End part five.

Again. feedback much appreciated! :D


	10. 10

**_Note: _**Okay, so we haven't been great about updating this, gomen! Looks like the story is on hiatus right now, but this is what we've got so far, so if you'd like to know what we cooked up, here it is…

(or if you happen to want to finish the story yourself, by all means, let one of us know and write it up. )

**_What you may not remember:_** Aoshi and Megumi confront Kenshin about Takahata-san's interference…_and they are out for blood!_

* * *

"Of all the things to do…" Kaoru was drinking her tea nearly half an hour later, glaring at her recently conscious husband. 

Kenshin looked slightly embarrassed as he, his fiancée, and their unexpected guests sat at the table.

Megumi had only taken a little of her tea, while Aoshi had nearly finished his.

"You still haven't explained why you sent Takahata after us, Ken-san," Megumi reminded.

Kenshin smiled sheepishly, noticing the fire in Megumi's eyes, and the dangerous glint in Aoshi's. He then turned to his fiancée.

"Kaoru…I was wondering if I could speak to them-"

"Alone?" Kaoru filled in, her eyes rounding. "Forget it! You sent a matchmaker after them! I'm surprised both of them haven't killed you!"

"Yet," Aoshi muttered.

Kenshin glanced back at their two guests.

"How could you do such a thing?" Kaoru shook her head. "Playing with them like that-"

"Oh, I can definitely say that they both enjoyed the time they had," a voice spoke from the doorway.

Four heads swiveled to see a pretty man dressed in a pink kimono with yellow flowers printed on it. His long hair was held back in a half-ponytail, tied with a ribbon.

"Ah…" Kaoru looked to see Kenshin sink in his cushioned seat, Aoshi's eyes narrow, and Megumi clench a fist.

"It's rude to just walk in to people's homes," Megumi chided.

Takahata beamed a smile and flapped a hand. "I called, but no one heard." He winked at Aoshi. "Apparently, your hearing isn't as good as you think it is, Aoshi-kun." He smiled at Kaoru. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Kamiya Kaoru. I've heard so much good things about you…"

Greetings were exchanged before Takahata settled next to Kaoru. Needless to say, the whole experience seemed too...surreal.

"Your explanation, Himura," Aoshi spoke up.

Now that the man was awake, he and Megumi were planning on getting their answer.

Kenshin cleared his throat. "Well…Perhaps I should start from the misunderstanding…"

"Please do." There was no mistaking the sarcasm in Megumi's tone.

Kenshin nodded. "Apparently…Okina's gift to you, Megumi-dono, was accidentally sent here…"

Megumi's brows lifted.

"Gift?" Kaoru blinked. "What gift?"

"Women's clothing made of expensive material," Megumi hastily explained.

"So…I…" Kenshin continued slowly, "by…chance, Takahata-san was in town, and I asked him to find Okina and explain the mistake...saying that the gift was meant for you…" He cleared his throat. "I didn't expect anything to--"

"Kenshin-kun, don't lie!" Takahata scolded, smiling. "You also told me to find Shinomori Aoshi…that once I see him, I'll understand everything." He then looked at the onmitsu. "And did I ever. For someone who's capable of turning heads on the street…you definitely need more romance in your life."

Aoshi's fingers curled into fists.

"Takahata-san," Kenshin warned gently.

"Oh, you should have been there, it was wonderful!" Takahata exclaimed. "You and Okina were so right about them! When it all came down to it, Megumi would have liked nothing more than to start making babies-"

Megumi's sharp gasp interrupted his speech. "I never said that!" she exclaimed.

Kenshin, Kaoru, and Aoshi turned to stare at her.

"And Aoshi-kun…if it hadn't been for some teeny, tiny incident…he was definitely in a similar mindset-AAAAHHHH!"

Faster than anyone could see, Aoshi had yanked Takahata by the front of his kimono and thrown him outside into the yard. Takahata rolled on the ground crying out in pain.

"Ouch! My hip hurts! I wasn't finished with my story!" Takahata wailed.

"Don't bother," Aoshi retorted.

"I don't believe this!" Takahata shot to his feet like a person who apparently hadn't hurt his hip. "You people are the most difficult I've EVER had to deal with! I gave you both a means to act on what you both wanted…and you did," he declared matter-of-factly. "Yes, it was a little out of control. But that's the REAL issue, isn't it? Both of you weren't in control of the situation, and THAT'S what bothers you the most."

_Cherie Dee_

* * *

Takahata found himself flattened a half-second later. 

"Aoshi-kun," he growled in warning. "As much as I like your pretty face—"

"Why are you looking at him?" Megumi Takani stood over him, her eyes flashing and her hair swirling about as if reflecting her intense anger. (In fact, it was windy, but no one noticed.) . "I'm the one that punched you, you asinine little meddling twerp. And I'd like you to know it has NOTHING to do with control. It has EVERYTHING to do with dragging my name through the mud and Aoshi's with it. You have NO right to manipulate people as you wish and—"

At that point Takahata was already covering his ears.

Aoshi studied the strange man and thought carefully. If this _thing_ had some kind of odd mystical powers, there certainly had to be some way to negotiate with this thing. It appeared that "Takahata" was easily influenced if he took mere suggestions from Himura and Okina that were clearly ridiculous. It also appeared that Takahata would keep persisting unless some end were achieved.

But what?

"—and force the perverted will of Okina upon us. A man and a woman can not just be forced—"

Aoshi placed his hand on Megumi's shoulder, silencing the very long tirade .He put her behind him, safely out of Takahata's view and calmly forced the anger from his body. "What will it take for you to go away and leave us alone?"

"You mean you don't want me around any more?" His voice was plaintive, but Aoshi could tell that now Takahata was suddenly intrigued.

"Surely there are other people who need your services," Aoshi's mouth turned up into a ghost of a smile as an idea came to him. "Himura obviously doesn't need you. He has his wife. But Okina, poor Okina," he shook his head. "He's so obviously lonely that he misrepresented everything to you."

"He lied?" Takahata gasped.

"Well, I guess he did," Aoshi drew Megumi in front of him them and let his hand slide down her back slowly, possessively. "Megumi and I never needed your help."

Megumi stared at him for a moment before she played along. "That poor old man," she purred as she turned to face him and slid her hand up the front of his shirt. "He's been so lonely as of late, pining after that seamstress must have gotten to his head. He made up this whole thing as an excuse to work with her—"

Aoshi used years of disciplined meditation to ignore the fact that at the moment she was pressed up against him. "The fact is, we've been secretly together for years. It was hard hiding the fact—"

"He was my first, you know that?" Megumi cooed at Aoshi.

"I can't believe he lied to me—" Takahata frowned, uncertain what to make of the behavior of the two who had been all protests earlier.

"That's how lonely he is," Megumi added. "You should really should help him you know."

"But—" Takahata appeared to be wavering. "I can't believe him—I mean he was so insistent."

It was now or never, Aoshi realized. He had to absolutely convince Takahata that Okina had been lying all along or seriously deluded. That was the only way to turn Takahata's attentions back towards Okina and that poor hapless seamstress.

The inspiration for the idea came from Megumi herself.

He grabbed Megumi and kissed her.

_Longwinded Girl_

* * *

Takahata's dainty little mouth practically dropped to his knees at the sight of that ground-shaking, theme-music worthy kiss. There are about five kisses in all of history that had managed to reduce Takahata to a puddle of pink romantic goo. (and given his job description and the fact that he was a _magical_ fairy, he had seen them all, regardless of time and space limitations.) 

So he had to admit that this was a kiss that stole the rose from Romeo's pilgrim's lips, stirred the envy of Don Juan and paled the glory of Genji's amorous conquests. This kiss would have made Byron proud. This kiss made Takahata cry.

He felt a sudden surge of pride as tears spilled wildly from his eyes. Yes. He realized that didn't really matter if Aoshi and Megumi were just trying to play him for a fool. This kiss, if anything, proved that there was nothing more that he could do for them. If they decide to remain stubbornly uncoupled after all of that, then Takahata will just have to hang up his fairy wings, zap all of the pink out of his wardrobe, and join the cynical, jaded, single magical creatures union instead.

After several minutes of physiologically-impossible anaeorobic tongue-wrestling later, the Aoshi and Megumi pulled away from each other, flushed and breathless.

"See?" Megumi finally said with a quivering voice, "Secretly together..."

"Is this true, Kenshi--AHH!" When Takahata turned around, he found a swirly-eyed, oroing rurouni lying flat on the ground with a severe nosebleed.

Aoshi nudged Megumi lightly. "Um. That's quite a nose hemorrhage. Perhaps you should do something—"

"Yes, it does look quite serious. I would but—" Megumi lowered her head, embarrassed. Under her voice, she mumbled something about her knees not working anymore.

With a delighted giggle, Takahata disaparated in a poof of pink-strawberry scented cloud.

_Oh those two are just hopeless..._

Okina sometimes liked pruning his garden at night—in his ninja garb--with Misao's throwing daggers. Yes. It was a strange thing to do. Even he had to admit that. But being a ninja is a hard thing to get out of one's system. Sometimes, he simply got the uncontrollable urge to sneak up on something. And he found that bushes are a lot more tolerant of sneak attacks than random Kyoto residents.

So he almost had a heart attack when the bush began to speak to him as he prepared to launch into his Flying Deadly Pointy Metal Daggers Attack.

"Okina!" The hedge cried. "Okin—oh stop looking so scared! It's me, Takahata!"

The pretty man stepped out of the hedge, pulling branches and dead leaves out of his meticulously styled hair. "Ugh, materializing out of thin air looks cool, but it is so dreadfully imprecise."

Okina blinked. Once.

"Anyway, I came to talk to you about something very important..."

_ChiisaiLammy_

* * *

_**Meanwhile...**_

Koneko was not feeling all too happy. First of all, the pretty fairy man had abandoned her on the way to Tokyo with some lame excuse about not wanting the cat to mess things up just when all his plans were about to fall perfectly into place. "I'll come back for you later, kitty," the pink man had said, beaming widely. Koneko had not even bothered to reply with a hiss -- the pretty pink fairy man was simply not worth her time. Not anymore, at least.

What _really_ pissed her off was that the stupid fairy man had prevented her from going back to her beloved ninja boy.  
But it wasn't just the stupid fairy man's dumb antics that was bothering Koneko now. Perhaps the fairy man had been too preoccupied with his own plans to notice, and humans never noticed anything anyways, but...

Koneko could sense a terrible, dark presence stirring within the air. A presence she had first noticed when the pink flash had transported her and the evil kitsune to the strange pink dimension...

And it was all that damn hussy's fault.

.-.

The dark presence in question was, in fact, at the moment, sitting on top of a black cloud, brooding. (Though this wasn't much surprising—he was _always_ brooding. It was part of his job.) His curly hair was long and black and tied back into a ponytail. He was frowning (as usual), though it looked more like a pout on his delicate, feminine face. His eyes were black. His clothes were black. His nails were painted black. Well, everything about him was black, except maybe his teeth, which were gleaming white, and his skin, which was ashy and pale. Basically, the Dark Presence was as black as Takahata was pink.

The Dark Presence was, in fact, Takahata's arch-nemesis.

The Dark Presence was also, in fact, secretly in love with Takahata, although he would never _ever_ admit it.

The problem was, Takahata _hated_ the Dark Presence. Well, maybe hate was too strong of a word, but the pink fairy man was certainly utterly terrified of the black spirit. (The Dark Presence was, admittedly, a rather terrifying being. Especially when he was feeling particularly sullen. Which was pretty much all the time.) The Dark Presence had been brooding on this fact, among other things, when he'd fallen asleep from sheer boredom. But then this strange woman who Takahata had been messing around with had woken him up with a rather interesting wish: a wish that she had never been born...

_Shimizu Hitomi_

* * *

Fortunately for Megumi, Koneko yawned and accidentally consumed this Dark Presence. 

Koneko after all was an odd little cat. And she did not realize the utter mistake she had made. Had she, in fact, realized that the Dark Presence was contemplating wiping out Megumi, she might have been tempted to cooperate with it.

Instead, thinking she had caught a bug in her mouth, she clamped down and began chewing.

As it turns out, the Dark Presence was crunchy. But greasy—in a weird sweet, ethereal way.

Had she not, though, then Megumi would have never existed, Aoshi would have never run into the Battousai, and Aoshi that the little cat worshipped would have never existed. It would have been ironic. As well as confusing.

But on the other hand, this poor cat was stuck in an odd unnamed location by herself. She could, if she had a clue, unearth massive damage on Takahata's little world, or simply curl up on one of those odd beds and sleep.

As for Megumi and Aoshi, completely unaware of how their fates were in peril, simply put poor Kenshin inside and got the hell out of the Kamiya compound before they had to explain anything more. The fact was, they were quite anxious to deal with something important.

That of course being, starting in on what would be the sixth kiss of all time to qualify as a fangirl-screaming-inducing moment in some dark alley around the corner.

_Longwinded Girl_

* * *

In a puff of pink glitter, Takahata-san materialized for dinner. "Ooo, beef stew! What's the occasion?" 

Okina sipped his tea in an attempt to suppress the tension marker from popping onto his temple. "Just a feast in the hopes that you will leave us this day."

A jaw fairly dropped in mortification. "But how can you think it, sir? I'm only here to ensure your happiness!"

The old man stood and slammed his cup down. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! WE DON'T WANT YOU HERE!"

Takahata-san nudged the older woman at his side. "Natsuei-san, don't you think Okina-san is being unforgivably rude? Such manners…"

"I DO NOT APPRECIATE BEING A PRISONER IN MY OWN HOME! AT LEAST LET US OUTSIDE!"

The woman stood up as well. "Or let ME out of here! I have nothing to do with any of this!"

The cheery fellow gave an exaggerated wink. "Of course, Natsuei-san. Nothing whatsoever."

"Don't mock me!"

"Takahata-san, you were supposed to get Aoshi and Megumi together. What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "That silly couple? They don't need me." With a point of his finger, miniature Aoshi and Megumi appeared on the table, right at the point of lip-to-lip contact, set on replay. Takahata shivered. "It was quite the sight."

"Then why are you still here? Your job is _done_!"

.-.

**_A few hours ago…_**

Somewhere in a dark alley, two figures with arms wrapped passionately around each other locked lips in a mad battle of sucking and tonguing. The woman pulled back, warm with exercise and panting heavily.

"Do…you think…we should help him?"

"I think he can…fend for himself," her companion breathed, moving in for another toe-curling kiss of the century.

.-.

Takahata pouted. "Aw…do you dislike me so much?"  
"YES!" both the old man and seamstress said.  
:.:_yawn_:.: "What's all the noise about?" Misao ambled into the room, fists rubbing her eyes.  
"Whoops," Takahata smiled. "Oh well."

.-.

"Train…we could take the train!" the woman said, her back to a building, arms held hostage above her head.  
"Mmm…perhaps."

.-.

"Jiya, who's this?"  
"An acquaintance, I'm afraid."  
"The he/she/(?) man waved. "Hi-i!"  
"Huh."  
"Beef stew?"  
"Okay…"

.-.

"The train…the train! We're gonna miss it!"  
The couple rushed to the platform, skirting thicker crowds and slipping between larger families.  
"I can't believe you got a private box! You know, we wouldn't be late if…"  
"A-ll abo-ard?" a man bellowed.  
Her companion leapt up to the ticketman. "Two here!"  
"Have a pleasant trip, sir."

.-.

Resting chin on palm, Takahata observed the young girl sipping at her meal. "So tell me, Misao-chan, do you think Jiya-dear needs some romance in his life?"

The girl nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! Gramps is so stupidly ga-ga over any pretty thing that happens to come his way."

The old man fell to tears, "How could you? Betrayed by one of my own!"

T-man gestured to the older people in the room. "Don't you think the two of them make a handsome couple?"

"Definitely! She's still pretty and a good age for Gramps!"

.-.

They were making their way down the aisle, lips connecting and parting until they found their coach. There, they backed into the door several times before finally sliding it open and closing it on a little boy watching curiously.

They groped and slobbered and fell onto the bed. The woman cooed. The man hummed. The train rocked steadily on its steel tracks, shuddering and straining over steep hills and bridges. The couple didn't mind a bit.

.-.

"Hey…where's Aoshi?"

Okina looked at her uneasily. "You aren't going to faint again, are you? Honestly, Misao, a ninja should be ashamed to faint so many times. Your father would have committed seppuku."

"WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?"

.-.

The man looked around with narrow eyes. "This isn't another of Takahata-san's fantasies, is it?"

"No."

"Thank god."

.-.

"Lemme get him!"

Takahata—in what you could call divine intervention—stopped Misao from mauling her grandfather and thus, ruining all plans he had in helping along love in the winter of the old man's life.

"Don't be so hasty, fraulein."

"THAT MAN IS NO GRANDFATHER OF MINE!"

"Even perverts need love, Love," Takahata gleaned.

The older woman huffed and shot a deadly look. "I don't know WHO you are talking about, but no love will be had while YOU'RE under this roof!"

Okina turned on the seamstress. "You mean, you don't like me?"

She was taken aback. "Oh…I didn't mean…"

The fairly femme man sighed. "Senior attraction…"

.-.

The woman was tying her obi while the man slipped on his sandals.  
"Aoshi…do you think that maybe…well…with all that's been going on…"  
"It was inevitable?"  
"Well…yes."  
"I don't know. Come. We should be there any moment now."

.-.

"What do you mean we can't leave the house?(?)" Misao roared.

.-.

"Did you have a pleasant trip, sir?"  
"Aa."

.-.

Takahata blinked at what appeared to be a case study in stupid questions. "Why, I put a ward around the house, funny girl. No one gets in, no one gets out. At least, not until these two spice things up. _They_ won't let me help!"

Okina glared. "You've done quite enough, thank you. Your services are no longer required."

There was a pounding at the shoji. "What's going on in there?(?) Open up!" a familiar female voice said.

"Oh goody!" With a snap of his fingers, the screen slid open and the couple fell in.

"Aoshi-sama!"

The old man rushed to help Miss Megumi stand. "Aoshi…you look different. You have a sort of glow about you."

"You're strangely relaxed, Aoshi-sama!"

The man looked coldly at his company. "I am not."

Natsuei-san came towards him. "No…they're right. You've got a healthy blush to your cheekbones…this must be the doctor, Takani-dono looks to have exerted herself much."

Takahata grinned knowingly.

"The long walk here from the train station, no doubt," Okina said.

The doctor looked at Takahata with contempt. "Has he been causing you trouble?"

"Bursting with vivacious energy, kitten?" the lady-like man asked.

The old man nearly wept for joy. "Oh…you don't know how we've suffered so! Takahata-san sent Natsuei-san and I to some cruise…but then we started getting sick…so he sent us to a valley filled with flowers like you wouldn't imagine…and then—"

The doctor clapped delightedly. "Oh good. We're not too late to miss the finale. Aoshi, come sit next to me."

More than one jaw dropped. "Whose side are you on?" Misao screamed.

"Well, I'm on whoever's side is not Okina's and in this case, it's with Takahata-san."

"That's where you're wrong," the man declared. "I'm all _for_ Okina-san finding love!"

"Precisely. Work your magic!"

_Leila Winters_

* * *

**_End Note: _**That's all for now folks! Sorry, but due to the current hiatus, this fic may or may not get finished. Hope you enjoyed it, thank you for all the support, even if we are just a bunch of zany writers. (and write a million hate letters to ff(.)net for not accepting stylized character usage...such as double question marks, or stars, or pretty much ANY symbol you can think of) 


	11. 11

Somewhat ominously, the room began to fill up with yet another overused cloud of pink smoke.

The old man and the seamstress both looked at each other with perturbed faces. "Oh for heaven's sake..."

And thenTakahata laughed... like a hyena finding its prey, like a maniacal power-hungry dictator having conquered the entire world, like someone who had inhaled some of Takani Megumi's laughing mushroom powder... and it made everyone distinctly uncomfortable.

Aoshi groaned in disgust, pulled out his kodachis, and dissipated the pink cloud with one swing. He glared at Takahata. "Ok, I want to see the old man get what's coming to him, but no more god damned pink!"

The cloud dissipated, but it was too late! The room had melted into...some...pink contraption. Blushing feathers were floating through the air...

Aoshi slumped against the wall in defeat and slid down until he was seated cross legged on the floor. He closed his eyes. "Okay, I'll just sit and meditate until I see everything in blue...," he thought. However, Koneko had no intention of letting him just sit there and meditate. She crawled languidly onto his lap and smushed her furry head into his abdomen (and mewled obnoxiously). That would teach the skanky bitch to make HER Aoshi out of breath...

Of course, as fate (and Takahata) would have it, the "skanky bitch" showed up, and picked her up into her scrawny arms, away from Aoshi's most intoxicating presence.

Aoshi opened his eyes and gazed at Megumi. "Thank you," he said, his lips curving slightly upward.

At this point Takahata-san screamed loudly, "You're all not paying attention to the PINK GRAND FINALE!" before passing out.

Meanwhile...Okina's head was spinning. What the hell is going on now? he wondered.

And where was everyone?

"Okina-san..."

The old man stared as Natsuei approached him, wearing a rather elaborate kimono. One suited for...well, a wedding. A quick check revealed that he himself wore, quite inexplicably, a dark wedding kimono.

He considered pretending to pass out. But Aoshi was glaring at him. Well Aoshi was also glaring because, he too, was now in a dark kimono just as Megumi was in an elaborate kimono. Unfortunately, several of the decorative elements were pink.

Okina was just about to pull his best Overcome By Rare Emotions and Possibly A Lack of Oxygen As Well Fainting Technique(TM) when he heard Misao shriek "Ohnoyoudon't!" With a well-placed Angry Demon Bird Kick she punted him, stumbling only slightly upon landing, over to where the priest and the miko stood, waiting for the wedding participants to arrive at last.

Misao stood smiling evilly, the tips of her kunai glinting from among her fingers. "If I have to wear a neon pink kimono, you're gonna have to make it worth it."

At that moment Takahata-san woke up, and seeing that all were assembled, he snapped his fingers and was instantly garbed in a light pink kimono embroidered in red roses. His hair was curled and pinned to perfection with the latest style of hair ornaments. He pulled a rose-scented hankerchief out of his matching bag and lightly dabbed at his tear-filled eyes.

"You're all so beautiful!" he cried.

But of course, how can we forget our dear kitty Koneko? Koneko, not exactly in the best of moods, let out an extremely annoyed yowl as she launched herself up from the ground... and landed with her claws tangled right in the middle of Takahata-san's lovely head of curls.

Takahata-san responded by instantly morphing into a pink kitten; Koneko meowed happily and instantly began to lick his face. "Damn cat," Takahata he laughed. "Now if only everyone else would behave predictably."

With a click of his claw, Aoshi was down on his knees in front of Megumi, a giant sparkler of a ring in his hands. "Much better!" Takahata squealed, hearts reflecting in his eyes. Indeed, because of this little tableau, Misao, ever true to character, blacked out--again. And Aoshi, Megumi, and Koneko once again commenced the all-so-familiar glaring.

"Well, I'll be damned if that lad beats me again," Okina muttered as he began taking his sips of ceremonial sake.

Natsuei-san obediently sipped her sake, thus completing the ritual of marriage.

"NOW IT'S YOUR TURN," Okina pointed a finger in the direction of Shinomori and Takani. "JUST DO IT BEFORE HE UNLEASHES THE PINK PLEASURE PALACE!"

Megumi looked bug-eyed at the old man. "Oh god. You too?"

"B-but he can't!" wailed a piteously plaintive voice, and suddenly Misao was awake again, sitting up from where she had lain sprawled on the floor. "He's got commitment issues... he's still got an entirely unresolved, ambiguous relationship with ME... and then there's all that yaoi doujinsh--" She slumped over, unconscious again, and began snoring lightly.

Koneko miaowed, puzzled. Had she seen Aoshi move...?

"...or forever hold your peace," muttered Okina with a shrug.

"Yaoi?" Takahata's eyes were bright. Too bright. "Doujinshi?--"

"Megumiwillyoumarryme?" blurted out Aoshi, thrusting the ring in Megumi's face.

Tears ran down Megumi's face, but whether it was from rioting emotions or the blinding rays of light emanating from the ring, few could tell.

"I--" she stammered. "I..."

(Well, she stammered, because quite honestly after all those earth-shattering fangirl -squeal inducing kisses earlier, this had to qualify as one of the classically worst ways to ask a woman to marry a man.

After what felt to Aoshi like a lifetime, Megumi did her best to compose herself, and, taking a deep breath, said, very quietly, "Of course." (Although, she mentally stabbed Aoshi with a pair of chopsticks for doing it under duress and SO unromantically.)

Then, at the somewhat complacent smile in Aoshi's eyes, Megumi turned her face away and added airily, kitsune grin in check, "Well, I /am/ getting older and fewer opportunities will be presenting themselves...besides, I don't think Sano is coming back anytime soon..."

Aoshi winced inwardly at the remark, but allowed Megumi her little revenge. He supposed he deserved it, hopeless cold fish that he was. (although, Meg knew differently, now didn't she? )

In the meantime, Takahata-san was growing seriously bored. "Might as well make this even worse," he mused aloud before doing two things. First, apparating Kenshin and Kaoru into this pink domain. Kenshin responded to this outrage without even blinking an eye. Of course, with his fuschia gi, he blended in so well, that he almost disappeared.

And second, announcing obnoxiously to Megumi and Aoshi, "You're married. Because I say so. And you better not argue, because you're pregnant."

Misao woke up, heard the word "pregnant," and fainted again.

"How many times does that make now?" Okina asked Aoshi.

"I've lost count," Aoshi replied before fainting himself.

Megumi was startled, but luckily, caught his head before it smacked onto the floor too hard. "Aoshi? Are you all right! Wait. I'M PREGNANT!"

Takahata cleared his cat-throat and answered on behalf of the semi-conscious Shinomori Aoshi. "Yes. Even though ... well, you two just sort of recently became intimate as of this moment you are technically pregnant. And so that the rest of us can get on with our lives (except for Misao Makimachi who appears traumatized beyond degree), accept that you are officially married by this PINK DEMIGOD OF LOVE!"

Aoshi opened his eyes and turned his head to marvel at Megumi's belly. "Pregnant? Really?"

The woman beamed. "Did you hear that Aoshi? A baby!"

"And you're married!" screamed Takahata.

Megumi wrapped her arms around Aoshi's shoulders and hugged him. "Ohhh...this is wonderful, Aoshi! We can be together as much as we want now!"

"Zuh?" was his reply.

Megumi rested her forehead against his cheek. "I'll pretend I didn't hear that."

"Why?" Aoshi answered, bemused.

"Because then I'd have to tell everyone about the pink pleasure palace and how good you look in black silk."

"You wouldn't."

"I would."

Damn.

"So what do you want?"

"I just want us to go home."

"We're in a pink alternate dimension with a pink cat, black cat, Okina, Natsuei-san, Kenshin, Kaoru, and Misao. I don't think it's going to be that easy."

From somewhere, the pink cat yowled. "Easy! You forget what I am! I am Takahata-san the granter of all dreams and fantasies! I'LL SHOW YOU EASY!"

And with that -- Aoshi found himself back in his office in the Aoiya, with a black cat meowing at his feet, and a cup of tea in one hand and group of letters in another.

He blinked, puzzled -- wondering if he had fallen asleep somehow in this strange chair and if everything had, in fact, been a dream.

"Meow!" The black cat trotted up to his leg, and Aoshi sneezed.

The shoji door slid open then, and he looked up to see something which probably give him dreams of another sort for weeks to come.

A vision in black silk carrying a box.

The smile that curved about her lips sent feelings of dread and delight through him.

Megumi walked up to him and placed herself in his lap.

(Yes definitely ... his dreams would be very interesting in the weeks to come.)

"Takahata-san sent a box for you," she leaned over and let her fingers run up and down the front of his shirt.

This had to be another fantasy.

"Aoshi, will you open it?"

Effectively snapped out of his reverie, he nodded, "Aa." Between the two of them, he lifted the lid of the box and peered inside.

_Ohayo Aoshi-san and Megumi-san! I just wanted to say congratulations on your recent...copulation...and a DOUBLE congratulations on the new addition to your family in the upcoming months! I have never had such a hard time with a case before, so I hope you treat each other well and get all gushy over your new situation. I have taken the liberty of returning you all to your respective homes...well, except Megumi-san, who will be staying with you. Her things are already in your shared bedroom. I'll leave it up to you to spread the news. wink_

_As for myself, Koneko opted to stay with you versus traversing the world with me...seeing the sights. Keep an eye on her! If there are any more problems, let me know and I'll be there in a jiffy to help you out! Toodles!_

_So Much Love it Hurts,_

_Takahata-san"_

Underneath the note was a matching silk garment for Aoshi.

"Aoshi...?" Misao asked, walking into the room. And stopping. And eyes bugging out. And a thunk when she fainted.

"Hmm...think we could get used to this?" he asked.

Megumi leaned in close, nuzzling close to his chin. "Definitely."

He could live with that.

...the end?

(What, you think we're normal?)

Can't have a great story without a great epilogue...

Takahata-san, after taking one last peek at his two lovebirds, decided to do them one last favor--free of charge, of course, for giving him the most fun he had had in centuries.

After all, Misao would only keep distracting them with her fainting spells. **Therefore, s**he needed to be distracted herself...

He giggled with glee at his new matchmaking scheme. Cupid would be so proud of him! With a snap of his fingers, the unconscious Misao was whisked from the room and gently placed in a lavender-scented bubble bath in a beautiful appointed bathroom in the Pink Castle of Love.

Misao woke up when she breathed in a soapy bubble.

She screamed!

Suddenly the door was flung open, and a young man stared at Misao's bubble covered nakedness in slack-jawed awe...

"Misao?" he breathed out with a gasp.

"Sano?"

**Now, it's The End**

OoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO

Author's Notes: This last portion was distributed and completed in LJ a few sentences at a time by Leila Winters, Amberle, Mirune Keishiko, MiJ, Trupana, Shimizu Hitomi and eriesalia.. To see who contributed what, please refer to http/www. livejournal. com/ community/megaoshi/1123.html

Our special thanks to Cherie Dee, chiisailammy, and Barbara Sheridan who also participated in this roundrobin in its early stages. We hope you are pleased with the insane ending!

For those of you who wish to see what we're up to now, we are currently slowly building up our next RR fic at http/ /community /megaoshi . If you have a LJ account and wish to watch the community, or read some of the locked threads, or potentially join in the madness, please contact Leila Winters or eriesalia.

FINALLY -- Thank you all who have watched this fic since the beginning. Much love to you, our crazy and loyal supporters.


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